InteractionsI have been studying the interactions between people for nearly 20 years. It fascinates me how people identify themselves and how they seek or go about getting approval from others.
Then when they don't get that approval they they become negative with themselves. Thinking something is wrong with them.
Okay besides criminals, most of us are fine.
My main interest is the interactions between men and women. We are so very different. We think different, feel different, interact different. So many things allude the opposite sex. Until you really pay attention.
Ask a woman what's on her mind right now, and you will probably get a list of things.
Ask a guy and you might get one or two items both connected to a plan.
I like watching how two people meet for the first time. No I'm not a sexual voyer. I just watch and I can pick up where the interaction is going. Where he messed up, or if she likes him or not. The ones that are real fun to watch are those that walk into a room and people automatically go to that person.
These people become the center of attention. I'm talking ordinary people, not stars.
Another thing I notice I can sense is when people are faking something. A husband and wife putting on a show like everything is great.
A girl who is acting like she enjoys a guys company.
A guy who really doesn't have it all together.
It's amazing to me that so many do such things to get approval from people they really do not like very much.
Instead of just being honest and upfront they put on a show. Why?
So we can get approval from a person we don't like or even want to be around?
I'm out of time and have to go. I'll work on this some more later. My job gets in the way of my fun sometimes.
A comment was made that I don't know everything, and that it's not always about seeking approval got me a bit concerned.
I don't claim to know everything and these are my observations.
I'm not a trained anything, just a guy taking in the world. The commenter was right though.
This, in my observation, just happens to be the most popular that I have observed.
I adopted a scale of personalities. Since I enjoy the company of women and I'm fascinated by how they interact it's based off the old rating scale of 1-10. This isn't meaning to be sexist or demean women.
Understand that no guy I know will admit to going out with a woman below a 5. So 1-4 on this scale doesn't exist. The lowest a person on this scale can be is a 5.
Now a 5 is the most disliked personality. Nobody likes that person. They avoid this person at all costs.
A 6 is a person who will do anything you ask just to try and be a member of your group. They want to be a member so bad they will do anything. Change their music tastes, change how they dress, go against their own morals, even commit a crime in some cases.
A 7 is a person who will try and one up you on everything. You have a story, they have a better one. You have a nice car, theirs is better. You have a hard job, theirs is harder. I ran into one of these yesterday. I'll put it at the end. It's actually kinda fun, and sad, watching two sevens go at it.
An 8 is a person who tries to bring everyone down to their level. You have a nice job and according to them it's the worst job ever. You have a nice car and it's the wrong model or you didn't get the right options. Your clothes went out of style last week. They tear you down to make themselves look better. A 9 is a person who doesn't need approval. They bring people up to their level. They are not phased by others. They are nice people but will not tolerate being stepped on. They distance themselves from those who refuse to move up the scale. The birds of a feather saying.
A 10 personality does not exist. This a perfect person. 9's strive to become a ten. A ten has no insecurities and is always in control as well as on top of everything. They are perfect.
Note that this is a fluid scale.
In some situations a 9 can become an 8 then return to 9.
A six can become a 7 then move to 8 then return 6 status. It depends on the group dynamic.
A group of 6's will have one 6 move up to a 7. The king or queen of 6's.
An 8 moves into the group and the 7 moves back to 6. It works like that in every group. The stronger the personality the higher up the scale. Until they encounter an even stronger personality.
That is until you hit a group of 9's. They just accept eachother and everyones flaws. A 9 who encounters a six that is trying to change and move up will help that person. A 9 will correct flaws in that 6 as they progress up through 7 and 8 status. A 9 won't put up with an 8 who is happy at 8 status though. Movies play on this dynamic a lot.
My encounter with a 7 was last night. I was talking with a woman on the common topic of kids. I pulled out my phone to show some apps that my wife and I use to keep in touch. Along with other fun and useful ones. This 7 jumps into the the conversation pulling his phone out saying how much better his apps were than mine.
A competition of the Apple iPhone versus the Verizon/Google Droid.
I like my iPhone by the way. I disengaged from the conversation. I wasn't going to play "one up". I acknowledged the fact that his apps were cool and left it at that. He kept comming at it though. I almost had to laugh. He was losing the interest of everyone to my phone which was now in my pocket. But he kept showing off his apps by demonstrating them and asking if my phone could do "whatever". I simply kept saying "Nope, but that's very cool."
Even when this woman and I continued on with our conversation. I knew he was seeking our attention but I consider myself a 9 on personality and I don't apologize for thinking that way. I wasn't going to fight him on who had the coolest toy. Since he wouldn't drop it I had no choice but to tune him out.
Since I travel everyday I meet lots of people from all over the country. I also read a lot which sets up this next story. I went into a restaurant and took a seat at the counter. I had my Kindle out and was reading. There were several others there as well all seated and chatting. A very cute waitress comes up and takes my order. A few guys at the counter make some comments that verged on being inappropriate or complained about something. It's a truck stop and unfortunately it comes with the industry (not an excuse for bad behavior).
I just glanced and gave my disapproval. When she brought out my order she asked what I was reading. I described it for her and she replied that she also reads a lot. I gave a smile and noticed she wasn't leaving, which is customary. She obviously wanted to talk. I asked what kind of books and made a joke about "please don't say romance." As it turns out she reads a lot of vampire themed books. I won't go into why for sake of brevity.
My point to that story is that not only do people slip into other styles of personality around other people but also by where they are. Social norm depicts lawyers as wearing suits and acting a certain way. So lawyers adopt that image. Truck drivers are supposed to look and act a certain way so they take that as a reason to think it's allowable. A bank teller, a doctor, fire fighter, Marine, construction worker, pick the trade. Every company and/or position has it's social norm.
Either defined by society or the immediate surroundings.
This applies also applies to where we live and go to school also. Harvard students are to act differently than Arizona State University.
Harvard is generally known to be acidemic and up tight.
Arizona State is generally known to be a party school.
So a student studying to be a doctor at ASU would put on 9 status while in med class. That student could change to 6 status at a frat party.
A football star could be a 9 at the frat party then switch an 8 in the med school dorms.
A student taking Harvard law could be a 9 while in class and change to a 7 when he leaves campus. Another student could be an 8 off campus and change to a 5 when in class.
I am painting with a very broad brush so no hate mail about how I degraded any job or educational degree.
These are not hard rules, and of course there are exceptions.
People tend to seek power, approval, attention, or affection depending on factors that surround them. We slip in and out of different personalities to make up for percieved flaws or insecurities. Instead of accepting who we are and being comfortable with ourselves.
No one will truly know you or accept you if you don't know or accept yourself.