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Trying To Find Distance From A Crazy Person

He's my boss, the guy who writes my paychecks, so I have to tread very delicately through his field of delusions.
I've been in his employ for 29 years. One would think that's long enough a relationship for there to be some semblance of stability, but, no.
He's nuts.
He loves conflict, thrives on frisson. There are only four of us in his employ, loyal to his steadfast ability to steer our little company through the worst of financial times, but we all pay the price of dealing with his neurosis.
The game he's been playing with me is a story in itself, which I did write about here on EP long ago, and deleted.
He has an uncanny desire to screw around with people, even our customers.
In Scandanavian mythology, he is the embodiment of Loki, the trickster god.

One would think, after all these years, I had developed a thicker skin. I have.
My boss inflicts flesh wounds, but he can't get at my soul. Not that he doesn't try.
For all of my adult life, and as child, I have been the captain of my life, sailing through worse seas of abject insanity than he presents.
But it still ****** me off that I have to sail into his bullshit every day.

Trying to find distance, I steer my boat into as calm a port as I can find.
EP is one of them.

angsty angsty 61-65, F 18 Responses Jun 2, 2012

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Your story is posted under the heading " human behaviour "

So I was guessing that if you could observe others you might be willing to open up and observe your family of origin.

My working career has included accounting, procurement of international petrochemicals, it software installations, logistics in commercial explosives, management consultant to the Australian Govt on a short term project, strategic planning for a phone company, worked for IBM in outsourcing management, house painter, carpenters labourer, small business admin, three months lifting timber in a lumber yard last year, and currently working in retail sales or a paint company at their showroom.

There are other jobs I overlooked by the way due to the lack of time.

My work does not define who I am ?

Yes my questions are probing. Would you rather we talk about the weather ?

Hell, no. Welcome to my kitchen table.

Who were your father's best friends ?

What did they do together ?

How did they meet ?

Interesting questions. Your profile says you're in sales. These are questions a psychologist would ask. What's up with that, YBO1?

Father

My father taught me everything about the beauty of nature, how to garden, and showed me my first view of Jupiter through his telescope. No issues there, unless you think loving my father is a bad thing.

Your boss, your ex husband.....any issues re your ather ?

No. My dad (who has passed away) was a gentle man.

so much anger.....or so it would appear.

are you still angry re your ex ?

Yes. He perverted any notions I had about love. I escaped with my life.

Have you any tools to detach ?

Oh, yes! I was married to an abusive man (rest in peace, you dead ************) for 13 years. My boss had no idea what an arsenal I had for turning his manipulations around.

there are ways to deal with someone like that but sounds like you are to the point of not careing so why not just sit down and tell him. be very clear what it is you want to say practice and what you want out of it. then pealay him. i help my hubby with his boss all the time he will reveiw what he is thinking and i help him turn it to his boss so as to put the weight on her back. she gets lost for words and has even said she didnt know what to do with him. lol always do it with hunny make it sweet when you are really reading off their pedigree. lol

Thanks, Kountrymist, but this man gets freaked out by normal human communication. The last time I tried what you suggest, to sit down and be very clear about what is wrong between us, he said "I don't want to talk about it". WTF!

I have regular dealings with someone like this .. always a total negative experience :(

sounds like he's on a bit of a power trip... actually he sounds like a bit of a prat.we shouldnt have to "put up" with anyone,but unfortunately we do.

Well... Being a crazy ***** myself I'm pretty sure this is how quite a few people think about me as well... I wonder if your boss is as aware of the consequences of his behavior as I am of mine...
Anyway, good luck and much support wished...

Unfortunately, Quantumphysica (nice user name btw) my boss not only doesn't care what the consequences of his behavior are, he often is insulted by being treated exactly as he treats others!

Get out of there, its urgent!! Lol
This is like... Its like what my family life was. ...
Now there is just mother and love left for me.. The others are like... Almost dead for me right now.. I have almost no family..
But better be alone than with bad persons

Hmm..can't "get out". There's no other job openings.

There is other possibilities always.. If your job is like hell you are not obliged to endure this! But you can search and wait the rigth momment

Isn't ep a haven for most of us? I assume that after such a long time, you won't change your workplace.

Dang right, RickiChickie, on both accounts.

Angsty, I was not aware of your work situation either. I was, and still am, in admiration of your skill as a professional picture framer. I have also been in situations with bad bosses. Bad bosses, bad husbands, a bad family member, and bad neighbors are the bane of anyone's existence. I am extremely grateful that I have NONE of those things anymore. For 9-1/2 years I have been free of them all!!! I am the captain of my ship and the captain of my own soul. I wish you the same when you retire in 2-6 years.

Little matchgirls, ring any bells?

There is a certain aspect to texastomgirl's comment that is worth considering. If you're prepared to stick together, and be a little radical.

Just a thought.

I wasn't aware that you had this nasty little problem at work.

I have no advice for you, I can only sympathise, and trust in your good seamanship to stay afloat.

One consolation is that you do at least enjoy your work.

A difficult boss is a daily trial. Sometimes it leads to a him and us mentality amongst his workers, but I'm guessing he plays games with all of you, sometimes setting you againt each other.

Yet, when you got your laptop, it was him who helped you with the baby steps into the digital age.

He wounded you again. Your pain and anger are the background notes to this story. Be strong and heal fast, Sister

You remembered that he helped me set up my first computer! Yes! This is what confounds me. He can be very compassionate, but something in his brain goes wonky. Over the past couple decades, I've seen him shut out friends of his for the most obscure reasons.
We were lovers once, many years ago, but that doesn't hold any weight. He looks at me now with the black eyes of a shark moving through the depths of his own personal ocean.

Aren't you glad you found this port. Umm just wanting to ask, why did you delete the story?

I deleted that story because I did not know how leaky EP is, or what his online activity is. Stuff here gets around, whether we like it or not.
So I shut up.
Now I don't give a rip if he sees what I wrote. He already sees it in my eyes.

It's been my experience that when you take something for granted in life, you generally lose it. I cannot believe you haven't found another job. There is no amount of money, no salary, no benefits, no retirement, NOTHING in my book that would allow me to constantly navigate through someone else's neurosis... their mental and emotional abuse. The four of you enable him to continue to avoid the consequences of his actions; I'll assume it's his employees, versus him, that keep him in business.

I am turning 60 this year. I have been a custom picture framer for 42 years. In this economy, in my state of Michigan, at my age, there is nowhere within the horizon of a gettting a job somewhere else.
The dude has us over a barrel, and he knows it.
Perversely, he is a very good captain.