Seven Mistakes of the Lonely Man…



1) The Desperation Mindset

In early humans, alpha males had the best food and shelter and females were attracted to them for survival. They had their choice of women and never displayed desperation because they were never desperate. Men who acted desperate were the weaker males with less to offer. In this instance, the lesson learned is that Desperation=Invaluable. When a woman feels a man is desperate, she thinks “invaluable.”

2) Being Evasive about Defining Your Relationship

If a woman has to ask if the two of you are in a relationship, the answer is probably no. This relates to communication. The greater oxytocin receptors in women and excess vasopressin receptors in men, create a gender bias in women's and men's approach to relationships. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, whereas vasopressin is the “do anything but bond” hormone. Oxytocin causes women to say “nest”. Vasopressin causes men to say “next”. Understanding that, if you want to have a girlfriend, you need to lead as you would on the dance floor. What is romance but a dance?

3) Overreacting to Clinginess

When another person moves toward you, the brain’s default response is to move away for safety. Clinginess is invasive, threatening and annoying - if you read it that way. You can also interpret it as, “I just want to be with you.” The solution is flexibility and communication. Bottom line, women tend to be clingy more so than men—again oxytocin. Account for it, understand it, and frame it positively - without sacrificing yourself.

4) Failure to Let Her Know You Think She is Beautiful

Letting your girlfriend know that you think she is pretty is important to her because society has taught women to be unduly concerned with their appearance. As an example, the beauty industry is booming. This suggests that we live in a society where a great deal of importance is placed on appearance. You know what you find beautiful about her. You should let her know that. If you don’t let her know you appreciate her in this way, she may feel unappreciated and go where she feels someone does appreciates her physically.

5) Checking out or Flirting with Other Women in Front of Her

This is rude, crude, and disrespectful. Why would you do that? Why do you think you have the right to do that? If you’re with a woman on a date, it doesn’t matter if the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever seen walks in – you must not flirt or ogle. If you do it consistently, you will end up alone.

6) Failure to Understand What she is not

A girlfriend is not: a hostage, a secretary, a mother, a maid, your child, or an escort. You cannot treat them like any of those things. If you do, you will not have them for long.

7) Too Little Hugging and Talking

Because women have more oxytocin receptors than men, hugging and conversation causes oxytocin release. Women can know each other for five minutes, and they know intimate details of each other’s lives. Meet them half way. Listen to them. Conversation is not terrible. It’s amazing what you can learn about a woman, when you talk to her—especially if you listen.

[The preceding was culled from the April 13, 2014 issue of Psychology Today. Please see that article if you wish to read it in its entirety.]
sciguy18 sciguy18
56-60, M
9 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Women with a healthy self esteem will flee from men described as above,sadly women with a low or non existent self esteem will stay, to continue to be used and abused.

Very interesting reading. Most these are not specific to lonely men. The title is rather misleading.

Your point is noted. I simply took bits from the article (including the title). As always though, I appreciate you taking time to read - and comment.

:) such a sweet-talker you are. Cool stuff, SG :)

Seriously. Cool :)

These are not my words. I simply cut and pasted from the article. The author of the article is the sweet talker, not me...

True... but you were compelled to share them :)

Me my self an I

Put this on the Jumbotron at sports events.

Good idea, but most men might decide to go for a beer instead...

LOL, you're probably right. I'm beginning to wonder why the human race hasn't become extinct!

I like the info however a lot of it interjects itself .it's a give and take . you can't have a bad *** boy friend and a teddy bear who pays attention to your every whim .

who says so! Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

Respect? I'm not trying to be mean. Just sharing my thoughts . No need to take it personally . Imagine me saying it with an with a happy persona :-)

how about human nature?

Excellent! 7 things every man should know.

Thanks for the comment.

Now THIS is what I call interesting! Love, Oxanna Oxytocin.

Glad you found it interesting - Vinny Vasopressin...