Not Only Fascinated But ...

Although I’ve always had a thing for psychology, only recently have I gotten into mental disorders..as in really into them. I wanted to follow a career in psychology (since med school seems too much for me) but figured I myself am mentally disturbed so I wouldnt do that well. Might just study psychopathology in particular then...

But I fiind schizophrenia to be one of the most fascinating mental illnesses, along with the dissociative disorders. I’m very interested in it to the point that I actually wish I was schizophrenic myself. I’ve read a lot about this condition and I know the seriousness and severity of its symptoms. So I’m aware of how stupid this sounds, but it’s just how I feel.

And the closest thing I have to schizophrenia is schizotypal personality disorder. It’s similar but of a lesser degree of intensity so I still share some things like magical thinking and unusual beliefs, transient delusional ideas and paranoia, weird perceptual experiences with, among other stuff, few and rather brief hallucinations (mostly olfactive and gustatory, rarely visual or auditory) – yet, I'm still far behind. I admire schizophrenics for how differently they experience reality and also for putting up with all the challenges , difficulties and trouble their illness gets them into. Almost obsessively fascinated with this particular mental illness (which I wouldnt even call an illness rather an altered state of consciousness) so Im curious about others’ opinions