The First Time I Was Put In the Hosipital.

 Well actual I was first put in Easter Seals, where I learned how to make fishing yoyo's, I was 16, My grandmother always told me I was crazy. Because I told her that God talk to me, she said normal people do not here people talking in their heads. I also could hear other peoples thoughts sometimes real loud in my head screaming at me. By the time I was 21,I had a break down,that was the first time I was put in a mental hospital, I stayed in there a month, I did not tell the doctor then that I was seeing and hearing things and people that no one else was seeing, well I ended up getting married to someone who was metal to,which it did not work out, he would be mean an beat me up,I went in and out of batered women shelters,ok he moved me and my kids away from my family, and then I had vesions of him being my stepdad and I was my mom,and he was going to molest my son, I freak I called my mental health therapist, I told him if he did not help me that I was going to kill my kids,I wanted them to come and get my kids out of his house, I called my grandmother she told me to get the kids and run, but I was frozen in fear I was in Oragan and that was a long way from my family,I am freaking out bad, so the police come with a welfare lady, and my husbend came home and all of this was going on,he was so ugly to them ,but they took my kids out of there,and that made me very happy,but after they left my husbend was so angry with me for doing that, he said that I was crazy , and that I needed to be in the hospital, well after the kids were taken the welfare lady wanted to know if there was anyone back home that could take them so I said my grandmother, cause I new she and grandpa would take good care of them ,which they did provide as much as they needed but the really needed me, Grandma sent me a bus tickit back home, I went ,but I could not stay there I started think it was a mater of life of death. I had to leave she made me always think about being sick,I ran and ran,everytime I thought someone was coming to get me and lock me away,  I just wanted to be normal,the more i tired the more I failed,This went on and on,by the time I was 26 it was 1986' I had been getting help from God, but my grandmother sure could tarre me down real fast. I had been home for a year this time and I was ready to kill myself, I just wanted to give up again, God could not help me,Then I meant someone who changed my life forever,he lived next door, that is so funny to me after dating him for about three weeks he asked me to marry him, and he made me feel so loved,and he believed that there was nothing wrong with me, so I quit mental health again, no meds so I went for almost nine years without any mental brack down no hospitals, no meds, then my husbend was a truck driver, and one night he came home after mednight, and I felt this woman all over him, I told him that she was from new orlians, and he said mary you are talking crazy, well from there God takes over and I am out of there ,He tells me to sell everything and go to farmington ,new mexico, well it cost me my marrage, that I believed was Gods gift to me turned to hell, and This time I believe more in my voices,God never lied to me, man has always lied,,,So I am in the streets again he tells me that I need to be in the hospital, no way all of you can just forget it,so then I started hang out withe the rainbow family, and they like crazy people like me,and then I meant Gary and he wanted me to get a crazy check which was something I never wanted, because I did not think I was sick,but because of gary I relized that I am sick and I need meds because when I get an epasode, it is very hard on my body,but I tell you that I am only here to take care of my mom,when she die I will be out of here again, but this time I will have a degree and I want to write a book on my adventures as a crazy person,I understand what works for me and what don't, I like be schizoprenic/manic, most of the time, in my mind it is a window into the unseen, and the doctors church people, can tell me it ain't real all they want,but I do believe what I see and hear is real.mary

maryomaga3 maryomaga3
46-50, F
20 Responses Mar 1, 2009

HI Mary and thanks for your comment. I tried to reply in the email but the system kept crashing down on me. I saved the message and will try sending it again soon.<br />
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Not everything about "craziness" is by any means all bad. There was a lot I loved about being manic, for one thing. And I quite like the way the schizophrenia makes me feel separate from myself, tuned into other levels...

You are so wise to say these words,,,dear Goddess,,,there are two,,and they know who they are,,,and it took all of humanity to create them,,,to be here at this time,,,,reunited at long last,,,what a love story they have to tell,,,and it goes way beyond the bible story,,,,and I am so happy that I am the one who will tell this story,,,because it is mine,,,and that book will sell alot of books because people want to know the whole truth,,,I am going to start my own city,,,that all people who want to live free with out having to worry about money,,,because money is nothing when you know how to manifest your own reality,,,my goal is to create a place that is totally off the grid,,,self sustaning living,,,round house only,,,because of the moleaclues,,,they won,t be bouncing off the walls in a round house,,,and wind and solar power,,,,,,I now it can happen,,,Mary

i think the idea of having a goddess without a god is a very out-of-balance concept. same with a god without a goddess. nature doesn't foster imbalances :)

I am going to school because I really believe that I can help others like me,,,Those who are tormented,,,by the things that they see and hear,,,I want to help them have peace,,,Everyone has the same ability to see,,,but they have forgotten,,,now the bible teaches that we don,t want everyone seeing and hearing,,,because their hearts are not for the whole but are condisanal,,,Mary

I believe there is a spiritual universe that exsist that only gifted individuals, such as yourself... can see and hear. It is really awesome to think about. I would think that a lot of people could have this gift.. but just don't know how to tap into it. Society might think people with schitzophrena are crazy. But I don't. I find people that are labeled "crazy" VERY interesting...and there is a lot to be learned from them. :)

Most of my dreams have been wide awake,,,wich is so strange to me,,,but I have a sister that her night dreams are real,,,I mean that when she dreams stuff seems to come out on this plan,,,which she has learned to exsept,,,but does not like it,,and wants to slap God,,,she only wants to have the Goddess in her life,,,she believes that God is mean to Goddess,,,which I do not see him that way at all,,,Mary

good for you! :) i have some crazy dreams sometimes....but nothing awake. wish it was, dreams can be difficult to remember =P

I really do not think of myself as crazy it is the world that labels me,,,I am very happy being me,,,most of the time,,,I do at times get very over welmed with some of the things I see and hear,,,but I have learned ways to filter and put those things in perspective,,,I really believe that I see and hear for a reason,,,and it is a gift that I was blessed with,,,I am sad that the things that people do and see and say all day long,,,is their only reality,,,because there are things that others do not see or hear that are real too,,,but I will just be happy to be me,,,and not them,,,Love and Light Mary

that is a terrible and fascinating story. i don't know that you exhibit actual schizoid tendencies, Not all voices people hear are the product of a mental illness. What if God really was trying to talk to us, and every time He did, we ended up labeled as "crazy"? If I were God, I might feel like I am putting people in an awkward situation...might even give up eventually.....which is a very sad and sobering thought.

Thanks for your coments,,,I did not need drugs to hear or see,,,,since I was 21,,,that is when the mental health came in,,,I do not take anything now exsept a nerve pill once in awhile,,,,when I have just an over load of stuff,,,I love my manic side,,,actually I love being crazy,,,I know that some are not as lucky as me,,,some have demons afetr them,,,tormenting their minds,,,and I want to help them to get in the light,,,so that they no long fear these demons,,,because they will be with the Love and Light of the matter,,,and it will melt those demons away,,,Love and Light Mary

I liked reading your story, very interesting. I would read the book, definitely. I believe what you hear is real. I have had voices in my head...they have quit for awhile. I don't believe mine were the voice of God, actually I thought they were demon voices. That has been awhile ago though...and I think the drugs I was taking had something to do with me hearing voices... Thanks for sharing your story.

Thank you for your words,,,my children are fine,,,I am very close to my daughter which makes me very happy to be in her life,,,and my grandkids,,love me very much,,,my gradmother died,,,I sent her to a pink room filled with lots of love,,,I love her no matter what she did to me,,,Love and Light Mary

Hi Mary wow you have had quite a life. I believe in cases like this that you might be considered sick when a DR. who doesn't believe in this kind of thing compares you with all the other average people when really there is nothing wrong with you at all. It is like a general GP who does not believe that herbal medicine can solve a persons problems when they really can. It is like saying someone is lost but that is only if they have a destination then they might be lost. When straight DR. do not have an explanation then they put a label on people. Well Mary that is my thoughts on the matter. How are the children?<br />
How is your grandmother? Take Care LOVE, Samantha

One time this brother named touches earth,,gave me a majical drum,,,but I took it to a gathering and this guy asked me for my drum twice,,and God said don't let him ask again ,,so I gave it to him,,,my sister was so mad at me for doing that,,,well I thought that was what God wanted me to do,,,I do miss that drum ,,,well maybe I can get another one,,,

Hey there Ms. Mary. It's me again. I'm going to say this one more time....you are NOT normal and you should not TRY to be. You are very special and what you see and hear ARE real. You need to learn how to go into the lower realm and retrieve lost souls. The easiest way is through the drum. This is your calling in life.

thanks again for your kind words,,,back at you kid,,,lol,,,we are mirriors of each other,,,,nice to see real,,,love and light make everything alright,,,mary

Wow! That's quite a story mary! I hope things have changed around for you and I hope you have found peace. I grew up with my Grandparens who distilled in me that unconditiional love, mainly my Granny. She never said a bad word about anyone in her life!! Just remember, it's because of our past life that we are who we are today. IWe all have a past!! You are not alone!! YOU ARE NORMAL AND A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING!! Love ys xoxo

I can relate to your story as I had a psychotic episode that many thought may been schizophrenia that lasted about 3 yrs before I got on meds. I am off them now and haven't had an episode in a long time. I hope never to again. I don't know if I could ever survive it the next time.

That was leaving out alot more detail that I want to save all details for my book,I believe it will be a best seller,I am alot better off now than back in the beginning, more aware of what can set me off,I can't say that, about anybody else but myself, for me Love and Light are the key for me.

wow what a story. you have had it pretty rough.