Boyish Tendancies?

Well, I've always been somewhat of a tom boy, I grew up with two brothers and a stepdad, I had no sisters and me and my mother werent close at all. I'm not entirely sure what my gender inside a girl's body would be. I'm not that girlish most of the time; I will sometimes get very girlish impulses, and during these times I wanna be around other girls, to wear girly, cute things (like skirts and dresses) and to fix up my hair and nails and talk about boys and stuff. However, 9/10, I don't feel like that. I'm 14 going on 15 and I do have a boyfriend (who is bi), and almost all my friends are guys. Even my best friend is male. I used to have two girl best friends where I used to live, but only one of them brought out the feminine instinct in me, and she was bi.

(Which btw, I have no problem with homosexual/bisexual/transgendered people) But anyways, sometimes I really think I would have been better off as a boy. I can be extremely competitive and like to rough house sometimes (like I admitted to my best friend I wanted to be a wrestler and that I liked football games like Smear the Queer) and I also am in a group for swordfighting techniques. I try to dress like a guy sometimes, and from observation (cuz I pay attention to people) I try to walk and sit like guys. Sometimes I try to talk like them (not tone-wise, but vocabulary wise.)

I like to brag about times I've gotten hurt and scars I have,  and when I'm extremely pissed, I like to fantasize a good clean fist fight. I love music that gets you fired up and ready to pummel someone.

Ok, so that's just a lot of the basic stuff. The rest of the reason I disdain being a girl is how they are dehumanized and degraded. I loathe how society looks down upon women and I just cannot stand the fact that I have to have a period, and how guys see it so disgusting and then treat you like an inferior because of it. I don't want kids, and I'm not sure I can accept that my body is designed for me.

I know I can be girlish, and that 6/10 I think on a mentality for a female, but I kinda get the feeling I may be a gay guy in a girl's body, because even on sexual levels (which I am a virgin technically) I think I'm gay. I like to give and recieve, basically.

It's like my mind and my body just don't match up most of the time. I'm not sure how to feel about this, if maybe I'm normal, or maybe I'm just a little off because that's just who I am.

Either way, I think I'm a gay guy in a girl's body.

ZombieZeroth00 ZombieZeroth00
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 17, 2010

i think that too!