Will It Ever Change?

I have never really wrote much about how i hate myself, I try to look positive for everyone else. Now I can't take it anymore. I see myself in the mirror and almost cry. I hate my body. I wish that one day I would wake up and I would be thin like all the people you see on TV or in adds. I wish that I had the self control that some people have.

My older sister has been losing weight like crazy. About 3 months ago we wore the same size and I hated myself then, but i knew that there was someone else close by that was the same. Now she has lost so much weight that she can go to the stores in the mall and find clothes much easier. I'm stuck at the plus size store, and if i try to look at other stores I will look for the biggest size and try it on. It almost never fits. I have sat in dressing rooms and cried because I want to be skinny. I want to be like everyone else. I'm tired of being 220lbs.

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26-30
2 Responses Feb 10, 2010

I used to be quite heavy, now my daily drink of choice is water. Eat right, drink water, and stay active each day, and think positive. Everyone will lose weight by reading and following the right information; teach yourself , being healthy is a lifestyle, not a diet! There are many good tips on how to achieve permanent weight loss; none of them includes gimmicks, diets, or diet pills. To assist with weight control; keep a daily food journal and every time the urge to snack is felt, first drink a large glass of clear water. It does not hurt to treat yourself with something special once in a while, what is necessary is that you moderate your food portions. Being overweight ******, but after reading a book, I lost 85 pounds! Words can not express how good I feel! This is a comment which I recently received about the book Lose Weight Using Four Easy Steps

I have never been thin, but I've always wanted to be. At my heaviest, I was 283 lbs. Now I'm down to 240. I'm still a big girl, and I struggle with eating for comfort. My little sister is a perfect blonde with an athletic body, and I'm just the frumpy butterball. Even my brother is a twig. <br />
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For a long time, I felt the way you do-- that I want to wake up small, or that I'd have the willpower to starve myself into that petite dress that always looks so good on the rack. As you can tell, that never happened. I continued to feel ugly, out of place. I even wound up wasting five years of my life on a man who only wanted me for my money, just because he faked affection and I was afraid that nobody better would ever love me.<br />
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Recently, after I got rid of this gold-digger, I've come to terms with a few facts. <br />
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First: my father is big. My aunt and my grandmother on that side were also big-- I never new my grandfather. Ergo, there is a genetic predisposal concerning a large body. <br />
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Second: food should not be my only comfort. For a long time, especially after I'd get mocked for being "so fat that I sat on a rainbow and Skittles came out"-- oh yes, there was a whole notebook of those gems passed around the playground about me-- I realized that eating is NOT the answer. Food cannot give a better self-image, and I'd better look elsewhere. <br />
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Third: my friends, my REAL friends, didn't give a damn about my size.. so why should it hang over my head? <br />
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Fourth: if I don't like who I am, that's my right. However, what other people think of me is NOT important. If I want to change, I will do it for me, not them-- and trust me, that has been a struggle. I have this uncanny ability to take 99 good comments and throw them out the window because of 1 bad comment.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, now-- with the way society harps about skinny twigs in baby doll clothes, it is VERY hard to go shopping. As a Rubanesque female, I often find it difficult to find something that fits, be it a pair of comfortable jeans, or a dress that makes me feel feminine. I also worry about my health-- my grandfather passed away from a heart attack, and he was a big guy. My father is a big guy, and he too has had heart problems. I don't want to be next.<br />
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For those reasons, and not the opinions of other people, I've started trying to be a bit more active and watch what I eat. It's hard, but if that's what you really want to do, you can do it. It's not easy, it's not instant, it's not fun. But don't do it just because you think you're not good enough for someone else. Do it because YOU want to, do it for YOU.<br />
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It took the love of a good man to show me that, no matter what, I am beautiful. And you are too.