I Hate It...

I use to be Skinny. I use to be able to run, I use to be able to do all the things my friends, and my cousins would do, and than I hit puberty hit, and all that changed. I was sick all the time, I was in terrible pain when it was that "time of the month" and that "time of the month" was two weeks out of the month. It sucked. I was always in pain, and moody, I was ganing weight like crazy too, even though I wasn't easting much. I couldn't excerise, because I had sever asthma and that prevented me from doing so much. By the time, they were finally able to diagnose me with something, I was already at 200 lbs, and was short. I was diagnossed with a severe thyroid problem, and with PCOS, and a bunch of other crap. I have tired evetything to lose the weight, but it has been next to impossible. I have tired everything, diet pills, excerising to the extent, eating disorders, fasting, everything, nothing works. I just am never going to be thin, and that sucks. I hate myself for being as fat as I am. I am disguested with my body, and with people making jokes on her about fat people, it just really hurts, and it really just gets to me a lot. I am not sure why, but it just does =/ Do you ever wonder why I use sexy avatars? Its because it gives me a lil boost. It makes me feel somewhat good, even if they aren't me...shallow i know =/ Do ever wonder why I never put pictures of myself, and leave them up on ep very long?Does any of my face-book friends ever wonder why I never put an actual picture of me? Its because I can't stand how ******* ugly, and fat that I am. I not only hate my body, but I am disgusted by my body, and hate it more than I can ever put into words right now. Sure my fiance will say, you are beautiful, you are sexy, but I still don't FEEL it! I feel like I am the uglyist person to walk the face of the planet! I hate myself, and how ugly I am! It ******* sucks, but I feel like I can't really change it, and I hate that! I try dieting. I don't eat a lot of sugar, or salt, or meat. I been cutting down on my soda, and going for walks, still NOT losing anything!!!! I just hate my ******* body. I hate what I look like, and hate all there is to me!

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26-30
3 Responses Feb 19, 2010

Im sorry you feel this way... I wish our damn society wouldn't make people, women especially feel like they aren't worthy of anything in life unless they are a size 0. It's freakin' insane!!! Im sorry others have made you feel insecure with yourself. I wish I could help you see that you are a beautiful person... with a kind and compassionate heart and a generous soul. You have been given many gifts and talents that make you unique and special... that is where the beauty of a person comes from.. the heart, the soul, the spirit.... You are beautiful honey... very beautiful.<br />
xo

Ahh My dear... *hugs*.... I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you. I wish I could help you to realize people love you for who you are.

I wish I could take away the pain for you, Aly, I truly do :( *Hugs*