Most of the time I hate going outside. I hate it feeling like I am exposing myself to strangers, being judged, mocked and made fun of. I hate the way I look. I only feel safe in my room, on ep. If I hadn't found a place to vent, I would have killed myself.

It's hard to go to school everyday and talk to people. I avoid my friends and when I come back home I am on the verge of crying because even the simplest things like taking the bus scares me. I am scared of how I am sitting. Of how I talk. I constantly fear that i'll be doing something that could be maken fun of.

I like to burrow myself in my room in my bed with the lights turned off... and cry because I have told my parents how I feel but they brush it aside. They know that I'm 'clinically depressed' and my doctor gives me anti-depressants which I feel don't work, but they think I am making a big deal about nothing. They always tell me to 'think positively' and to 'have more willpower'. Why can't they see how miserable I am?

I'm fat and ugly and I feel like I'll never be loved.

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4 Responses Mar 12, 2010

WOW ! taking the bus, how u sit, how u talk, what u do...I DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS ! I HATE to take the bus because I'm scared too ! I never knew there was someone out there like me...

You just totally told my story. Besides the parent thing. My parents don't no anythign at all. They're a little too oblivious that my life is literally falling apart as I type.

i saw your picture and what your saying is a lie! You look really slim and pretty. The way your talking there's a chance you could be anorexic. You really talk to your doctor about this. You need to learn to like your face and body and who cares what others think!

"You have fat on you, but you are NOT fat". <br />
<br />
That was what someone told me once. It helped me see myself differently. <br />
I was able to see that it ca be removed I started to see it was not me or who I am.<br />
<br />
But your picture looks adroable. You look like a fun person. Don't be so hard on yourself. This wolrd will beat up on you, so don't you do it yoruself.