Oh. My. Lard

I have had an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa, for about three years. I used to be thin, I didnt think I was then but compared to how I look now I envy the girl I was in eighth grade.
For the past 6 months I've been eating again and the pounds just keep adding on! I just can't not eat. I admit I am an emotional eater and lately I've been on an emotional roller coaster! I've gained at least 25-30 pounds if not more in a few months. I'm fat and I HATE IT. I hate me.
I have a very visible pudge area on my lower belly, my thighs have gotten wider, butt's bigger, and arms flabbier. It's disgusting! I feel like I have more of a double chin and its embarrassing.
Everything I eat no matter how healthy or how small of a portion I end up bloating.
To feel more comfortable I wear baggy clothes. I'm a fat girl who looks like a husky boy. :( It's frustrating.
Every time I eat I want to hurt myself, immediately rid the food from my body but I can't. I hate being the chubby girl. I'm fine with my face, I think I'm kind of pretty (sometimes) but I HATE my body.
EmmyL EmmyL
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 6, 2013

Being fat rocks! :)