It Always Ends The Same Way

Have no idea how to start this. I've been in relationships with women, some serious, some not so much. None of them are similar and none of them have anything in common. Yet my relationships always end the same. They slowly cut back on the communication, the sentence "I'm way too busy this week, maybe next week", and the ever popular one word replies. It's natural to try to find what caused them to leave and even more naturally to think it had something to do with you. It doesn't. That's a very hard thing to accept because there's no closure.

I hate seeing people hold hands while they're walking together, hugging, kissing or any other public shows of affection. It makes me wish I had that and I hate that even more. I always think, why can't that be me? I just stay away from relationships now. Its a lonely existence but better than the alternative.

bluequasi bluequasi
31-35, M
4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

Hey guys! Your posts are really interesting. Can you tell me more about how are your lives affected by the way that you feel? What are your biggest frustrations, challenges, what do you wish you could overcome so that your lives can be better? Thanks

It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that feel similar to the way I feel. I've started to learn that to be happy, it begins with ourselves. I picked one thing to do that made me happy and I just kept doing it. I'm a little better now. Still lonely but I know I can always go back to that one thing that makes me happy. That thing is cooking. I hated cooking. If it took more than 3 minutes then I wouldn't do it. Lets say, the microwave was my bestfriend for awhile. hahahahaha. Then I found an italian cookbook at a used bookstore and decided I wanted to try some things. The first meal was an absolute mess but I was proud as hell. I smiled the entire time I was cooking. It dawned on me that I didn't need someone to do that for me. Just me. So I started doing other things too. It was pretty much trial and error but I had fun. I guess this is the only good part of moving on.....

I just got out of the worse relationship I have ever had.. It included abuse..<br />
But it still hurts regardless<br />
I feel so lost. I dont want to go into anything after that<br />
but I wanna be happy again<br />
these things dont fall hand in hand anymore<br />
I still cant sleep<br />
everytime i eat i think Im going to be sick<br />
And it feels like Im not going to get threw this<br />
Who can anyone trust anymore?

I have to admit, i'm the same way. I've come to the conclusion "True Love" doesn't really exist and is only that way in movies. I've had a few really close calls, one in particular where I was thinking "Oh wow, she's the one!" but invariably they all grew distant and colder for no apparent reason. I think it has more to do with their own personal insecurities and history rather than anything we do, but sadly we live in a world which breeds horrible men who treat women badly, and by the time the nice guys come along the women are so messed up about relationships they can't deal with it actually going right. I'm the same as you now, every time i get involved with someone i end up getting hurt, so I stay away from them.