Everything Or Nothing

When my best friend committed suicide in eight grade, I bacame afraid of everything. People. Loud noises. Bugs. The dark. Outdoors. Standing up. Panic attacks were normal for me.

After a few years of this, something shifted. I decided not to be afraid anymore, It was a conscious thing; like changing a shirt, or nail polish color. I had never liked being afraid anyways. So I just stopped.

This was proven to me one day when I was a passenger in a car. Someone ran a red and almost slammed into my door. For the seconds before this happened. while I waited to see if this driver would stop on time, I just watched her. I watched her tense up, I watched her eyes widen. I watched her move as she slammed the break, and I listened to my mom slam on her breaks and gasp. And I did nothing. just watched.

Another time, as I was walking through the woods with a few of my friends to someones house late at night, someone jumped out at us. I didn't jump. Didn't scream (unlike a few others). Just stared at him and said, "That wasn't very nice." They didn't see me the same after that.

I didn't either.

ShopGirl ShopGirl
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 10, 2009

more power to you, its never fun to be afraid and i hope one day i can reach your level of fearlessness

I don't know. It's kind of weird, isn't it? That the switch just goes off sometimes? The closest I've been to scared after all this has been my paranoia about an ex of mine. A stalker type, who likes to play mind games.