Good Guys Finish Last?

At my husband's prompting, I attended church with him.  Nevermind, that I have a very mixed appreciation of religion with a Jehovah Witnesses and Catholic upbringing.  At this non-denominational assembly, they were doing a series on "saving the home."  The pastor warned and pleaded for families to remain intact and stay together.  "The first step - make your husband, your wife - your first priority!  You have to love, and nurture your mate - because when the kids are grown and have families of their own, when the job is done and you are retired - in the end, you will only have eachother."  I rolled my eyes, thinking, "Tell that to a husband, his second wife and his ex-wife and I bet you would shrug your shoulders and say, 'Nevermind'".

wickedstepmother wickedstepmother
26-30, F
2 Responses May 29, 2007

my mother was divorced and has been married to my stepfather for about 16 years now. my father got remarried, had two sons with his second wife, got divorced again and is now living with his "fiance". My father's fiance has been having a lot of trouble lately trying to A) figure out how much authority (sp?) she has with my brothers, B) has to deal with my dad and his ex-wife battling it out over the kids and ever since my mom moved back to the area (my parents are still friends - they just don't work as a couple), she's been a little jealous of the time my dad spends with my mom. I can understand why it's frustrating for her, and why it would be frustrating for you. But that's the baggage that comes along with divorced families. it kinda sucks - but I'm sure that just because your husband has past issues doesn't mean he doesn't care about you as much. I know it's really hard for my dad to deal with all the **** that comes with divorce - and he REALLY doesn't want his fiance to feel the way she feels, but it's hard. I hope things turn out less frustrating for you - but you have to have faith that your husband isn't just putting you second - he's probably just as frustrated as you are about his ex-wife's manipulative tendencies.

Sorry, that you are a child of abuse, but this isn't an experience about children of alcoholics/abuse and it's not meant to validate or support ignorance of it. The kids have come first, do come first and always will come first. It doesn't sound like you 't have any experience with a stepfamily, and may not be aware of the implications on your life when not only are these are not your kids, but kids who have loyalty to a manipulative ex-wife who also uses her position about being "first" as a trump card. I'm posting this experience because it's frustrating for me to be put in a position of being second. And if you read the final part, my most difficult issue is with my husband and is his ex-wife, not the kids.