Ever had someone whom you were so close with and suddenly seem to hate you overnight, and you here, have no idea what you've done?

(Extremely long text ahead)

Well, I've had it, all my teenage life. Junior school, high school, even college. As I grew older I thought, hey, I'm am adult now such childish behavior should be history. It wasn't the case. What? I have to deal with this bull-crap in adulthood? You gotta be kidding...

I thought we were so close. We even went shopping the day before and laughed a lot. Somehow, after the event that weekend, you seemed to avoid me. I was confused. Was it something i said? Or did? What?! I held back from asking. Because I know I will not be calm if i asked you straight. So i waited, hoping the situation will become better. Maybe you were just tired from the event....

I waited...but the wall only got thicker and higher. Before I realized 2 years have passed. Here I am, constantly thinking why do you avoid me at events, ignore my presence in the group chat. There you are, laughing so happily with our common group of friends and I seem to have no existence. Every one of our friends get an event selfie and I stand at one corner quietly praying for my turn, but it never came. I'll quote from you; My pride isn't so low as to be so thick-skinned and ask for one. That'll be shameless. I couldn't take it anymore. I gathered all my courage to send you a PM on Facebook. "Have I done something that has offended you? Please tell me. I value this friendship."...

The wall of text sent. It was a nerve-wrecking 30-minute wait for your reply...

"Nothing. I thought you hated me so I'd keep my distance."

What? Is that what I get? "Nothing"? You've ignored me overnight and went on for 2 whole years and it's "nothing"? Lady, who are you trying to kid? I was devastated to a point of anger. Every reply that happened after my mind wasn't even sane. "I'm glad we can clear the air between us =)"; I was lying, nothing was cleared, not at all. It only became worse.

A year has passed since that fateful PM. I've learned to live with the fact that you may never ever talk to me again and I will never know why. A notification popped up on my messenger and it's your DP I see in the chat bubble. "When are you free for the team shoot?"

What is this? God, are you playing a joke on me? I was ecstatic. I was so happy I didn't know how to reply. I just stared at the message and gawked at it like an idiot. Somehow, after all that, the shoot did not happen. I'm back at square one. Your sudden attention followed by your return to ignoring my presence. It sparked my thoughts again. Thoughts which I've kept away in a dusty corner of my mind for the past year. At this point i did not feel ignorance, it came more like a form of dislike, hatred event. Once again, what could I have done to make you ignore my very person?

It hurts just trying to think of a sensible answer. I must have done something horrid. Like calling someone's mum a sl** or sabotaging someone else's happiness kind of horrid. I have asked; "Nothing" was your answer. I shall not probe anymore. If I continued asking I'd probably sound like an old hag.

Finally, so much things has happened in our group of friends. Some poorly phrased comments later, you decided to leave the group chat. You were so angry, about "someone" who is giving you a bad treatment and you can't take it anymore. "It's not like my pride is so low i need to force myself inside this group!" "I know someone here hates me!"

Do you know how fed up and confused I was as I read all your angst? 4 years have passed and your ignorance for me has now become pure hatred. I once had a name in you and now I'm just 'someone'. To top it off, I still had not a clue what I have done to deserve such hatred from a person. Am i such a detestable human that my existence sparks hatred in people?

Our friends still treated me with kindness. Encouraging me, laughing with me, crying with me. I can't be that bad... So why is it only you? 4 years of being burdened with this question has taken its ultimate toll on my sanity. I see our friends desperately trying to add you back into the group despite you stating your disinterest so violently. What have you done for a group of people to fight so hard for you to stay when you can toss someone into a ditch and not tell her the reason? I can't comprehend.

I saw your tweets...
"If you're so against my presence in the group, just f****** voice it out. My pride is not low enough to squeeze in forcefully"
Voice it out? Are you gonna "nothing" me again?

"How many times u say? Well, after thinking for d*** long... Maybe one insincere one? How about now I ask u how many times I did?"
Insincere? Do you know how much courage I garnered to type that message? Are you saying your one-liner reply was very sincere? Your answer was "Nothing", do you expect me to continue probing on a yearly basis like a nagging old hag, then get the same answer each time?

"So don't sh** all these "oh I've done so much for our friendship" crap to me when u've done things behind my back."
OH DARN IT. WHAT HAVE I DONE? TELL ME, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?! SO I REALLY HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO SPARK YOUR HATRED. BUT WHAT????!

At this point if you're still reading, I'd like to thank you for taking your time to read this ridiculous wall of text. Thank you.

I can't. I can feel my very being breaking from the core. I really can't anymore. I'm trying to let go, move on. It sounds easy... I think I can do this.
deleted deleted
26-30
Aug 22, 2014