I Am Just Confused

I have always been happy and energetic through my whole life. When I entered high school, I saw some of my friends go into depression, but i never thought it would happen to me. But for the past few months............I feel like complete ****. I never felt this before.......I feel alone and angry and I just cant control it. Whenever i Get angry, I would just go for a walk.....so I have been walking 2 to 3 times a day for 2 hours each. I hate my parents..........I was okay with them before but now they just provoke. THey dont understand me.....they just judge...........I truly hate my parents but for that I hate myself even more. My family is just........broken.........I always wished i was born into any other family. THere is always arguing and hatred between my parents. My mom said I make her Life a " living hell"..............I cant take this anymore. I thought ignoring would suffice but i cant anymore. I am a human being to. To make matters worse, I hate something that would make me seem like a brat. I hate being dirt poor. I go to a school highly dominated by the upper middle class...........while i am slightly above poverty. I know it isnt my parents fault........but I just hate it. I go to school and see all their things and then i look at my things and my self esteem plummets. THis winter break, i see all the pics of the grand places they went to and then i look where i went to ( nowhere). I feel like **** and i hate my life. I never felt this way before and all i do now is cry. I am a guy that is 5'10 and i cry everytime i go for a walk. I dont know what to do.,.......I even contemplated killing myself. I hate this and I hate everyone. I go to school and I pretend i have all the things they have and i have a facade of happiness but i cant do this anymore. Please......someone help.....I cant take it anymore. This ****** lifestyle and attitude is consuming me ]..............
judgegabranth18 judgegabranth18
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

Trust me,I know how you feel. Im so poor to. One year my parents couldnt even afford us Christmas presents..Also one time my mom cried on her bed because she couldnt feed us.My parents fight ALL the time like literally.My dad is soo stupid. He is a lazy piece of crap thats a pig. He doesn't like to be wrong.My dad will be doing dishes and he will be really loud.My mom will say will you please be a little gentler honey? and he will say right back in a snotty attitude. WHY DONT YOU DO THEM YOURSELF THEN YOU LAZY B****. Yup thats how my life is.. My house is small to. We have a 6 cats. And i'm a 5'8 girl.All you can do is make it better. At least try.