More Of A Delicate Shade Of Lilac.. With A Black Bruise Or Three

Call it a weakened moment or just the pain but I feel blue today.  Could do with an extra few hugs, and some sign that it's all going to work out right.  I've paid my dues, handed the **** back return to sender, and told someone who isn't safe for me to be with to go away.  I'm tired of living here, with constant reminders of things I can't change and refuse to accept as 'right' just because another thinks it is.  Telling people who wish you ill to go take a running jump is never wrong.

How do you move past it, and just let that go?  I hope after Thursday my wisdom will have left me, and a few memories will have gone with it.  I'm scared what I might say after I come out of anesthesia and I don't want to admit to my mum I've had flashbacks - I can't handle that rejection one more time.   My life is starting to make sense after so long, but the age old fear sits below the surface and I hate feeling even slightly vulnerable.  Sucking it up one more time won't help, I don't want to have that be the final thing that makes me snap.

I'm going to get the help I need, and I'm going to find that new path no matter what.  They will not win - I will.
  
Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody
31-35, F
May 5, 2012