When I was 7 I felt like I could become anything, a doctor, officer, scientist, veterinarian, teacher, magician, artist, teacher, etc I wanted to make ALOT of money, and buy ALOT of things. When I turned 8 reality hit me, and it hit me hard. I noticed that my life, was...boring. I went to school, did my homework/studied, went to karate, came home and feel asleep. I didn't understand what I was feeling, but all I knew was, that when I was 8, driving up to my house made me feel bad. I'd get a pitted feeling in my stomach and my heart sank, I'd get tears in my eyes, but I didn't want to cry because I didn't want to be made fun of/get in trouble with my father. Now I'm older, and I still feel the same. Sure things are different, I know I can't become all of those things, but now, It's no longer about the money, or the things I wanted. I want to become an artist...but I still feel bored...I feel like that's all that will ever come outta my life. I always do things to avoid reality (Reading alot, sleeping ALOT, daydreaming, drawing, writing, watching movies, or television) Some people might say those are hobbies,but I do them because there's nothing else to do... What is there to do? Go out and talk to people? About what? Those same things? I pretty much spend my entire time just dreaming, or wishing I was in those characters spots. I know that things will never change, and it's a stupid reason to get upset about, but nothing will happen in life. I'll just get older, MAYBE get my job (My grades are so bad because I don't see a point in trying), retire, then die.
I mean, I guess I'm happy with my life I guess it could be worse, but I keep wishing for the impossible, dreaming for the impossible, and it's hard to wake up when dreaming is so much better. I can save people, I can live the lives I want, I can do what I want, and I don't deal with issues, and when I do, I'm always victorious. And when I'm awake, I'm helping no one, I do what I'm supposed to do (And just fail at everything), deal with alot of things, and keep failing. I keep failing at everything because I lost all motivation for living. The only reason why I still am alive today is because I'm hoping that something will happen besides the inevitable. (Working, maybe marriage, retiring, death)
I know I should be thankful for living, and should try to think life is more beautiful, but what's so beautiful about the same things?
Life is so boring.