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Nothing Changes...

 


    When I was 7 I felt like I could become anything, a doctor, officer, scientist, veterinarian, teacher,  magician, artist, teacher, etc I wanted to make ALOT of money, and buy ALOT of things. When I turned 8 reality hit me, and it hit me hard. I noticed that my life, was...boring. I went to school, did my homework/studied, went to karate, came home and feel asleep. I didn't understand what I was feeling, but all I knew was, that when I was 8, driving up to my house made me feel bad. I'd get a pitted feeling in my stomach and my heart sank, I'd get tears in my eyes, but I didn't want to cry because I didn't want to be made fun of/get in trouble with my father. Now I'm older, and I still feel the same. Sure things are different, I know I can't become all of those things, but now, It's no longer about the money, or the things I wanted. I want to become an artist...but I still feel bored...I feel like that's all that will ever come outta my life. I always do things to avoid reality (Reading alot, sleeping ALOT, daydreaming, drawing, writing, watching movies, or television) Some people might say those are hobbies,but I do them because there's nothing else to do... What is there to do? Go out and talk to people? About what? Those same things? I pretty much spend my entire time just dreaming, or wishing I was in those characters spots. I know that things will never change, and it's a stupid reason to get upset about, but nothing will happen in life. I'll just get older, MAYBE get my job (My grades are so bad because I don't see a point in trying), retire, then die. 

I mean, I guess I'm happy with my life I guess it could be worse, but I keep wishing for the impossible, dreaming for the impossible, and it's hard to wake up when dreaming is so much better. I can save people, I can live the lives I want, I can do what I want, and I don't deal with issues, and when I do, I'm always victorious. And when I'm awake, I'm helping no one, I do what I'm supposed to do (And just fail at everything), deal with alot of things, and keep failing. I keep failing at everything because I lost all motivation for living. The only reason why I still am alive today is because I'm hoping that something will happen besides the inevitable. (Working, maybe marriage, retiring, death)

I know I should be thankful for living, and should try to think life is more beautiful, but what's so beautiful about the same things?

Life is so boring. 


Blah93 Blah93 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 18, 2010

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First of all you should know that most of the people feeling the same way you are.

Really. So you not alone and it’s not only you doing nothing with your life.



Find motivation can be very hard thing. Most of people find it in love. So maybe you should try to find your soul mate.

Or you can move to another town or even country, it’s helped me. Or do something you never did. Go volunteer and help others.



Anyway wish you good luck and happy new year!

Yes being motivated takes a lot of positivity :)