Rough Night!

We have those days, or in this case night. My son has been doing very well but I swear he gets his monthly just like females. Usually, for about 3 days out of the month, be gets into these moods. It was an all the time thing before the meds so rather grateful that we've narrowed it down to a few days but so hard to get through. Tonight I was dead tired, to the point that I stopped thinking and just planned on getting home and relaxing. Ah but not the case. Although I left the office on time I had a teen who is in THAT mode, a toddler that is oh so sick and a little man who let his other side take over. Managed to get rid of the teen, got an early appointment in the after care pediatrics for baby girl and all seemed pretty good. Kept them busy during our long Dr wait by reading a cool book on animals and playing Simon Says, so was really confident that once we got home we'd be good. DELUSIONAL AM I! Didn't make it home before it started to crumble. Picked up the pizza and went to get the meds for her and as I was in line talking to the pharmacist I felt the hits. He had her shoe and was just swatting my arm from the backseat over and over. The woman in the window couldn't see this so tried to continue with my business and get parked to handle the situation. He basically lost it all the way home and I became the punching bag. Once home I figured food would calm him but wrong again because he kept up. Not only did he pour a huge amount of garlic salt over the entire pizza he then got mad and began to kick, hit, pinch and throw. I did my best to hold him down but each time I thought he was past it I'd get beat up again. Right now I can deal with the physical hurt that I'm feeling but the heart ache is more than I can cope with. I want to help him, I want to protect him, I want to give him whatever I can to get him through it all but I feel like I'm failing during these events. Eventually he comes out of it and hugs me and says "I'm sorry mommy that I beat you up" but getting to that point takes so much out of me that right now I'm just feeling broken.

*heavy sigh*
mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
7 Responses Oct 20, 2010

I too am worried about you, as time goes on and he is larger and stronger. Maybe you should try to put him away from you when he is hurting you, or learn the proper technique for restraint until he can control his outburst. I really do feel for you and can tell that you love your kids. Wishing you well, and that you can find the help you need.

Very sweet and after a long day I thank you for your kindness... ahh but there are those broken days that are hard to get past. <br />
Hugs<br />

i can't even begin to imagin what you have been throw,i just want to say that you're a mum and judging from what i have read you're a very good one you love you're kid you care for them and you do your best to protect them ,to be there for them, and only that is enough ,you don't have to worry ,or to feel broken,you should be proud of you're self because you have the most difficul job in the world and that is beeing a mum,a lot of peaple don't even dare too be one,a lot of peaple just run away from all the burden,but you ,you love you're kids and you do you're best to be there for them,i think that they are lucky to have you as their mum :)

The outbursts are less frequent but he becomes 'blank' when it's happening. I held him down and just stroked his hair telling him I love him through the tears but he hears nothing. <br />
<br />
crap crap crap gonna cry again... *wipes tear*<br />
<br />
I can't keep it together today and have taken so many excedrin and advil for this ache... repeated kicks and hits in the back and more. UHG!

I was just thinking what are you going to do when he is sixteen...I am worried.

Thanks... VERY sore today, didn't realize the boxing match took so much out of me but boy did it. He hugged me for what seemed like forever this morning. He knows he did wrong but has no control over it. My fear is he's getting stronger, bigger, smarter and it hurts a whole lot more.

hey, and wow. and i so feel your brokenness. but i think that you are protecting him in your own way cause you see girl, you are there. you are sticking by him. you are being a mom. and theres no instruction book. my situation is not the same, but alot of the feelings are, the ones about feeling broken or doing the wrong thing or not giving him everything, and i sometimes think to much about all the wrong things, instead of focusing on the good things, in your case, the things that worked the best, and try to repeat those things. and for me, trying to focus on stepdaughter's accomplishment no matter how small, and i am not even touching the wrong stuff right now. and i am feeling better and its working. I am not sure if what i am saying is going to help you. but i am trying. i just want to give u support. and let you know i am here if you need me anytime. any place, same bat station, same planet.........hey how about bora bora? lol hang in there