I'm sorry, I'm really a mess right now. I'm trying my best to get it together somehow. I can't see this way, light up in this pain."

^^ that song describes how I feel, and my life.

Because I've gone through so many struggles, and loss, and pain since I was 11, I've been broken, shattered, and you can't fix me. I'm scared that no guy would ever want me because I'm an emotional and mental mess because of the scars and traumas I've been through, and am still going through. That no guy would want to handle or take care of me. Because once you start to date me, you're dating my past and all that comes with it. Ans a lot of people can't handle that. I can't even handle it, and it's my life. So I push people as far away from me as possible including my family and friends, so I don't hurt them. And where does it leave me? Alone and broken. I've been basically dead inside for 7 years and counting. I just don't want the emotional, physical, and mental pain anymore. I've already gone through SO ******* much that people can't even imagine. The girl I used to be, before everything happened at 11, is gone and will never come back. I'm searching for the new me now, and hoping to fit the pieces back together of this shattered life of mine.
tayybayy tayybayy
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 4, 2012

Don't worry, the pain is in the soul. Try to strengthen your soul.

people never change, you can never change who you are on the inside no matter how hard you try. you can do things, changes things and how you act on the outside but the only person can really acutally change you ont he inside . IS that Person you one day fall in love with :)<br />
i dont know what youve gone through i cant say i understand how you feel but ive been through many many things aswel.<br />
keep smiling yeah?

It's alright if you are. You've changed, and maybe this might be for the better. You'll find people who respect you later on in life, don't worry. And if you don't, know that at least you'll still have yourself and some people on EP.