Or Maybe Just Stunned.....

It has not been long since I found my lover...no, Penny..not your lover anymore.....as I type these words, I can blame no one but myself..  I am a very intense lover..I find it immensely difficult to make love...sensuously, intimately..and not fall in love.  That is NOT what he wants...and he never claimed otherwise..I have known all along that he would never be mine..but I did think we could have a tumultuous love affair.  No..we can not..maybe it's that what I was looking for is impossible to find. I cannot convey the extent to which I will miss him....he is sooooo very close to the man of my dreams!!!  A very smart man..sharp of tongue and wit, more understanding and accepting than anyone ever has been..he is the person responsible for making me want my heart to feel again.  And it does...just in time to break....again...for my sweet , sensual lover...once again , I must remind myself....NO PENNY...HE IS NOT YOUR LOVER ANYMORE................I must make it clear that it was I who broke things off.  Lately, I have witnessed what happens when one lover is more dedicated than the other....if I had continued, it would've evolved into a relationship in which I was much more committed than he.....hell, that's already true.....I find it difficult to believe that I will find another man who speaks to my soul..as he did...I don't know how he did it, but he always knew the right tack to take with me...always seemed to know just what I needed....how to calm my soul and make me see things for myself...I will miss you, my love (no...not your love..hers...)...more than my paltry command of the language can adequately convey.......


A second ago, I posted a comment to my dear friend blackdress..I tried to put a graphic in, but couldn't .....I wanted you to have it though, my love...here you are:

lonesurvivor lonesurvivor
56-60, F
13 Responses Dec 1, 2009

Thank you, sugar...I appreciate your support, more than you know...

(is afraid to swallow lump in throat...she knows the tears will follow....) blackdress...your support means soooooo very much to me...you are a superb friend, my love!!!

Sxdup - You are a dear and beautiful friend and deserve love and support; whether you are happy or in pain, whatever the cause.<br />
<br />
Your grace in accepting J's apology is inspiring to me!<br />

(a single tear rolls down sxdup's cheek...her eyes are full of more....)....thank you .....so very much, blackdress!!!!!! You humble me with your devotion!!!!!<br />
I love you, too, my sweet girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joseph, I admire you and thank you for apologizing to our beloved Sxdup. You are entitled to your opinions obviously, but it is better to state them without pounding someone over the head in the process.<br />
<br />
Something you might want to think about is that sometimes, not everything is black and white. You cannot make a judgement about a person's character based on a single thing - even if that thing is significant. In an ideal world, married people find total satisfaction in their spousal relationship. In reality, it is often not the case and sometimes a person acts based on the heart and not the head.<br />
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Love you Sxdup...

I so appreciate your apology.....and , keep in mind...I DID leave him........you have no idea how much strength that took after my recent history...<br />
Sorry if I was too harsh...but I AM in pain...I don't really expect sympathy...just not to be berated for expressing my feelings.

Well said Queen...

Thank you, QoA........mwah!!

Perhaps you should know the facts before you speak. Is it your job on EP to decide the facts of a relationship you are not in??? <br />
"<br />
Oh, let me guess he told you a story about how crazy his wife is and that she is the reason he feels alone and he just wants out and you make him feel alive again...blah...blah....blah...."<br />
<br />
No....that is not what happened. He was never anything but honest with me. And you are now , also, the judge of other's morals?? Even people you don't even know??? Must be nice to be omniscient!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thank you for your insight....it is spot on. However..it doesn't really matter..the relationship would've had to come to an end eventually , anyway...he loves his wife. And I respect his honesty. I do not blame him at all. But I will miss him terribly....he's one hell of a man..

My dear Knight.....I count on it......thank you......

I hope you know that you have friends here that you can come to and lean on and find the strength you need to make it through...

Thank you, my Queen....that is exactly how I feel....tearful and hollow....