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No Idea Why He Chose Me To Begin With

Hi. I met a man we shall call 'J' through a mutual friend. He was attractive to me in some ways but not nec my normal type. After we both did some investigating through friends, we agreed to have a date. After the first date, I was excited but not smitten. We continued to have small conversations and just normal slow-moving dates. Then tragedy struck. A person I considered my brother (am only child by birth), died suddenly. He was 31 years old. This was my first significant experience dealing with the death of someone who was so close to my heart. Things became hazy for that first week, and I didn't see J because I didn't think I could handle him and the death. Also, my previous ex was in town for he was also close to my brother and I didn't want to mix the new with the old. Plus, it wouldn't have been fair for anyone. My ex had to leave before the actual funeral and J offered to accompany me. After that, we grew very close. Approximately a month later, our feelings progressed to the point where we felt like we wanted a relationship (despite me never really thinking of him like that at the beginning) and we had sex the first time the night before my birthday. That evening, we were en route to a friends house and were involved in a horrific accident in which we both felt close to death. Afyer that, we were inseparable. Things progressed, and a month later, J found himself in a predicament. He was losing his home due to outside influence and had totalled his car in our accident so was sort of stuck with no home. Even though I was apprehensive I offered my home to him. After some serious thought, he moved in. For a few weeks it was bliss. But then it all started to cripple. I found out he was a habitual internet fan- that most of his 'friends' were online. Also that I was the only partner hed had in his 32 years he hadn't met online. This caused some issues because imy most significant relationship to date ended because of serious infidelity via the internet. Amongst other things, this eventually. Caused us so many problems I asked him to move out. Even though it was my decision, I found it very hard to deal with. He moved, we continued sort of seeing each other (now together for about 7 months) when things fizzled completely. He immediately began dating, I started maybe a month or two after and we didn't keep in touch so much. Fast forward 2 more months- his heart was broken by his new endeavor, I ended mine a week before-we sought solace within each other and ended back together. It was good for a month until I found out he hadn't stopped 'talking' to these other people online and had been talking to them the entirety of our relationship. I began to notice a distance between us and eventually approached him about this. He stated he had possibly never been in love with me despite being the first one to utter the words, move in, be my partner and all the rest. heartbreak city. I ended it only because I knew he wasn't happy and found out he is dating someone online. Merely 3 weeks they have known each other and it has been 3 weeks since our 2nd end of relationship. They already 'love' each other, are sexual (despite thousands of miles between them) and he is exploiring moving across the world to be there. How is it that this person gets what I wanted for an entire tumultuous year after only 3 weeks. I wonder, why me? Whyd he stay knowing he didn't feel that spark. He claims it wasn't malicious or to use me, but it sure feels like it. I am so awfully scarred and heartbroken I needed to post this sad tale here.
kingoflimbs kingoflimbs 26-30 3 Responses Apr 6, 2011

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You have every reason to feel the way you feel. I would feel the same way too. BUT ....<br />
... bottom line, he is not healthy enough to have a healthy relationship with you or this other gal across the map. Move on. It's not his fault that he is sick this way but it is his responsibility to get help. He may and he may not. And if he does, it will take him a long time to pull it together. Move on. Cry, get it out, cry, get it out! Then be done and move on. <br />
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That's my advice. lol. Can you tell I've had a lot of counseling? lol. Speaking of,,, counseling is awesome. If you can afford it, get it. I call it Life 101. I've learned so many valuable lessons from counseling and picked a really great husband (2nd time around). We've been together 7 yrs now and he is an NA die-hard. I tell all women, if you want a good man, he has to be in therapy. lol. But really the counseling and NA backgrounds have made us wise. If you can afford it, get it.<br />
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Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," Says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

I guess a bit of both. My story is rather scattered and a lot of details are missing but the bulk is there. I just don't understand why someone whom I loved and adored and took care of could be so callous. Why do people stay when they know it isn't what's right? Why put the other person through that? As I lay here feeling tortured with thoughts of him and his new lover, I also wonder how to stop letting it get to me. I feel incredibly broken and used.

I don't know if you are just wanting to vent or if you want to hear advise from someone who isn't emotionally involved.... (?)