My girlfriend whom I love very much has become "not sure about anything" and shut me almost completely out of her life, but not actually broken up with me. I don't know what to do with myself and the minutes feel like hours. I don't have anyone to talk to so I thought I would try this. This is my first time on EP.
thesingledad thesingledad
31-35, M
3 Responses Aug 20, 2014

She's already moved on then. She must be technically staying with you for some convenience still. She should have the courage to be honest instead of stringing you along. She owes you that much.

she says she loves me but just isn't sure anymore that things could work out, and we haven't once talked about actually breaking up but... its very hard to not suspect that you're right. It's certainly been on my mind.

Its just so hard to know if I've done something wrong or not done something right or... i dunno I guess I can be kind of insecure.

It's even more hard to know how much time to give her... before things need to go one way or the other.

Thanks for the reply.

It is definitely complicated being in a relationship with a man who already has kids, especially if you are focused on your ex or your past relationship. She will remember that and it will lead her into insecurity about herself and the relationship. It will create drama, especially if your ex is constantly harassing or bothering her. It's like trying to be in two relationships at the same time... it never really fully works out, because you cannot invest yourself fully in more than one person or family. You have to choose between one or the other. The best thing for any relationship is being able to discuss the future and agree on what you are both looking for in the relationship. Also, never say you don't want something and then later on say you do. It creates confusion and keeps someone hanging onto the hope of having that type of life with you. Just saying the words "What can I do to make things better" is very important. Good communication is key to any relationship, if it is to survive.

My ex is completely out of the picture. so no drama there, she is the one with a lot of drama from two ex's (not that they want her back, just child support and custody stuff).

Also she is the one doing the whole: I want this, hrm maybe I dont want this."

You're right I think it could be a communication problem where she has been bottling these doubts up and now she's in a panic.

We've tried to talk and I could go on for hours about everything we've said but it all boils down to that she says she cant "see it" or isn't "sure" anymore.

I do feel like i've done a very good job calmly, caring-ly, laying out what I want and how I feel.

I just have no idea how to handle anything from this point forward. I'm miserable and depressed and she (as far as I know) is just going about her regular stuff with her kids and friends and family.

I've agreed to try to give her some time and space, but don't we all know what that really means? Maybe not, I don't know.

Clearly she was leading you into a false sense of security within this relationship. Maybe she is the type of person to simply lose interest within others quickly. Seems like her love for you is faded or maybe she is going through a difficult transitional period. I could say a lot of things, but without good communication with her you will never know. So, go talk to her about the situation. People on EP can only speculate and use the information that is presented to them. Hey, I know all about miserable and depressed. Just be thankful you never had to deal with ex drama and have someone invading your body and spirit before abandoning you like a piece of used trash. It could always get worse.

Everything will be fine. Girls feel that most of the time, they feel confused.
Maybe she just need you tenderness. 😊
So make time to talk to her or give her a flower, that is one of the best way to show how much you love her and how much important she is to you. ❤️