Moving Overseas, In Charge Of Office...overwhelmed!
Ever have those days when you think, "If one more thing goes wrong...." Of course, it always does. I think I'm usually a calm person, but I'm starting to learn I must have built-up anxieties. I am calm, cool and collected for months and then...bam! It's like my body and mind have had enough and I must cry or yell or something to get my emotions out. I'm having one of those days today.
I have every reason to be happy, and I am most of the time. But sometimes the daily grind just gets to me. And it's not just the daily grind, it's ineptitude all around. I wish, just once, someone knew what they were doing when I called or emailed for assistance. It's as if the government and corporations hire complete morons who can barely read to field calls. And I'm supposed to know how to work with that?? I know this isn't making much sense, but that's ok. I'm just venting.
I can't sleep, I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm tired of having responsibilities, of answering questions, or having my husband complain about his day. If only I had his life...geez. He does manual labor - nothing wrong with that. In fact, I wish I did manual labor! You don't have to make decisions all day, answer to people - you can just be and do. But now that we are moving overseas and he isn't working really, he has to take care of a lot of the details. And he constantly complains about what a tough day he had after having to drive places and talk to people. I feel like rolling my eyes, but I don't. He has no idea what my day is like - fifty people needing fifty things from me all at once. I have to be the boss, the employee, the opinion writer, the liaison, the organizer, the researcher, the investigator and the provlem solver for so many poeple it's hard to keep track. Both my boss and my co-worker are out, so I'm fielding all calls, emails, inquiries and organizing all tasks and projects at the office. At a billion-dollar organization with 1,000 employees, offices around the world and legal issues out the wazoo - you can imagine the headache. However, I handle it must fine on my own....until I hear my husband whine about his day.
UGGGGGHHHHHHH! I have the fortune of being the breadwinner. I'm sorry if that offends him or makes him feel bad - I think I do a pretty good job of ensuring he knows it's "our" income and "our" things. But sometimes he is too quick to spend money and I usually don't question his judgment. However, I think I bothered him when I wanted to know if a company would reimburse us nwo that their initial quote is wrong. A simple question...sigh. Nope, he takes offense. He complains. He would completely drown if he had to do my job - this I know for sure.
I just need a vacation. Not a long one...just a chance to sleep in and do nothing. That's all I want, really. I just want to do right by him and our daughter. I worry all the time I'm not doing enough for her, or what if I should not put her in time out? Is she too young for time out? What effect does it have on her that I can't be there all day? Then I start worrying about everything from the wording of an email I sent during the day to how are we going to iron out the last details of our move? Do we get a hotel or save money and rough it on the floor? When do we turn our car in? What if their visas don't arrive?
I just want my mind to shut off and go to sleep. Sigh....
I'll end on a positive note by saying I love my family very much. I do have a wonderful husband, he just doesn't handle "administrative" tasks very well. But, that's most husband, isn't it? :) :)