I Really Do.

Lately it seems that my life has only been filled with the feeling of being overwhelmed. 

I got a good promotion at work, so now I'm a supervisor in a department that although I am familiar with what it takes to do, I am new to this area.  So needless to say everyone there has really been putting me thru the ringer.  Even though I am making the department better, no one wants to make the extra effort to make it better either, they are quite comfortable with it being mediocre.  I am not. 

I'm also going thru a divorce and living life as a single mom with two boys.  The divorce would have been simple enough.  He found someone new, he cheated, he lied, he made me really question myself.  So divorcing is easy, but  now he's decided that he's made a mistake and wants to make our marriage work.  Hello, but you cheated and made my life a living hell for 2 years, you wanted me, you wanted her, you wanted me, you wanted her, you went back and forth 6 times, then you cheated on me, lied to me, said the meanest most hurtful things to me.  Yet, now that she no longer wants him, now I"m the woman of his dreams.  Yeah, I don't think so.   Yet, sometimes he makes it so hard on me calling me 15 times a day, texting me constantly, and never giving me a break. 

My boys are wonderful, yet I wonder if I'm giving them everything they need.  Some days I come home from work so very exhausted I just want some quiet time, yet they need help with homework, dinner, just some cuddle time.  So I do my best giving them what they need, but sometimes all I want to do is crawl in bed and cry.  I feel pulled so thin.   It seems lately the boys have had some health issues, I thought my son had appendicitis, I took him to the dr. they did x-rays and blood work, and it turned out he was just constipated.   By the time it was over with, I just wanted to break down and cry, and felt so incredibly lonely.  I so just needed someone to hold me and tell me it's alright, and a moment to feel safe and secure in someone's arms. 

Some days are just better than others I guess.  And somedays are just more overwhelming that others.