Feeling Sad

and i don't know why..it seems like i've been crying since yesterday and i don't know why..i just feel so helpless and hopeless..i feel like a ****** mother and like just giving up sometimes..

its been a pretty lean month money wise and there were days i didnt know how i was going to feed my son..my ex, bill, who's been spending the weekends here has basically abandoned me..again..its like he just shows up or calls when he wants to, but if i need him hes never around..i had called him yesterday at noon, asking if he would take me to the clinic to get my methadone carries..i told him i was weak, that i hadn't eaten in two days..because i have no food...did he call me last night? did he come by? no on all counts..and yet he frigging knew i was hurting and had no food for Sam and i..he's here every weekend..he gets his clothes washed, uses the computer to check his email and watches tv and drinks ..then passes out and snores next to me..he gets laid when he wants to ...its just f*.c .k.ed is what it is..

then my girlfriend .... and i made plans on thursday to go to the college and get her a course outline book the next day..i see this girl everyday.. but yesterday, its like she fell off the face of the earth...and the worst part is..she has two boys 11 and 13 that she is never home for after school or at night i called her all day yesterday until 8:30m at night and she still wasnt home..she wasnt home afterschool for her kids and when i called the last time at 8:30 she still wasnt home..whos watching these two kids left by themselves??

and my son, its my weekend with him and i havent seen him..he came home afterschool yesterday and wanted to go play at his friends house till 8pm..i said fine..no prob..be home by 8..well he calls at 7pm "can i sleep over?' well he had a birthday party to go to at 1pm today so i said to make sure he was home by 11am to make sure he was ready to go..well they were knocking on the door for him at 12:30pm[the birthday boy lives next door] and off he went..so much for spending any time with him..

so here i sit..just me and the cat..ans she couldnt be bothered

MarleyChloesMum MarleyChloesMum
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 28, 2009

Stay strong. Life is hard but you are strong

thanks..i will..and make myself a tea too..hugs right back to u too