. Things are getting bad again. I've gone back to crying hours everyday, barely leaving bed, ignoring people and thinking constantly about suicide. I'm not at the edge yet though. I know when i need intervention immediately and I'm not there yet. I'm close but not there. Hard to imagine it gets worse but it does. It's not pretty. You'll find me on my bathroom floor with blood dripping down my arm onto the floor shaking. I will start having lapses of time I don't remember. I won't shower or take care of myself. I will lay in bed still as inside I die. You'll have to hold me down to stop me from hitting myself in the head. I just want to make the thoughts stop. I know I'm overdue for help when I become completely terrified of myself. Right now I'm only slightly scared. Sad thing is nobody can save me this time cuz I won't tell anyone when I've reached the terrified level. I'm not going back to that hospital. I'm not gonna be mistreated there again.
blahlahblah599 blahlahblah599
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 20, 2014

Hi, sorry to hear you are going through this torture everyday. I used to cut myself and sit around and cry everyday thinking there is no end to this pain. But I realized just hanging around my house doing nothing was not going to help at all. You must go out and explore and enjoy the fresh air! Being out and getting natural sunlight is said to make people happer. Go for a walk or run on a trail. Go out and meet people! It's tough when you are fighting depression and don't feel like doing anything but trust me and getting out more does help. I'm still depressed but after finding a few hobbies I liked I felt somewhat better than how I was. I realize now whenever I'd come home that's when I'm depressed! You just need to find something you like. Sorry if this is really long. Good luck to you and remember life won't always be like this it will only get better from here!

You have a purpose and you are loved unconditionally! Don't let the enemy win. You are destined to make a difference. The devil knows that and will do anything to stop it! Fight him with the words of your mouth! Declare scripture from the bible! The joy of The Lord is our strength! You can and will be free! Free from the tormenting thoughts! Call on the name of The Lord! Yahshua Jesus and He will save you. I promise.
<3

If I was there I would try my best to take care of you. I wish those thoughts would leave you alone. There truly are people like myself on this site that do care and wish they could help in some way. I know the thoughts torment you and you grow tired. Please just talk to us here to get everything out. Don't hurt yourself anymore.

Wishing I could be there with you. There's a lot of good we have yet to do in this world.