Married And Invisible

When I got married I moved out of state. I even finished up high-school living with my husband. I haven't been able to get a job because I lack work experience and now I don't think I'll ever get to go to college because I'm pregnant. So I got stay home and play house wife which is what he wants but it depresses me. To make matters worse I'm always alone. I have no friend or family here and I can't seem to blend in with his friends(when I'm invited). He isn't even around. He'll say he's going to go smoke and disappears without so much as a post it saying, "hey I'm leaving". Then it could be two minutes or six hours before I see him again. It doesn't help that he "jokes" about sleeping with other people either(he's actually stopped during sex and said,"I think we should **** other people.") It makes me feel bad that I'm always alone and I'm too ashamed of being an unemployed "baby-momma" to talk to my old friends from back home who are busy with college and my family has never been close. Being manic-depressive I've considered drastic things like running away that way I'm alone because I want to be not because no one loves me.
Hesxupxaxwall Hesxupxaxwall
18-21, F
2 Responses May 6, 2012

Hey girlie, it made me sad, your post. You arent better of alone but i do say you are better off away from him. This isnt love my dear, its a horrid thing which will only feed your feelings of low worth and alienation. Its okay, you have a whole life to enjoy and it hasnt started yet so dont worry. You need to know what you want. I dont think you do becasue you seem to pit other people first...him anyway. Are you happy about the baby? Is it what you want? Im new on here so not sure how this works but please believe me,....I was in exactly the same place as you. Take each day as it comes. Try and be good to yourself at least once a day. Think about the things you would love to do...list them..thats all you have to do...just write them down and keep that list, look at it every day and tell yourself that you WILL do all those things. Let yourself get used to the idea...just breathe when its will pass....x

Hang ther mami l feel for u l would of do d same thing, and if he **** around u should do d same thing, even if is just cyber sex, l could help u with that, im merry to, but there is no sex going on on my bed now, soo, u gota do something