PTSD,MAJOR Deppression,and Anxiety

about 3 years ago i was almost killed. i had my hands bound behind my back and was brutally beaten by 10-12 "men",.... the attack lasted 4-6 minutes,.. although, yes.... it seemed like much longer.after i was bound and thrown to the ground, i was maced in the face,.....  hit with wooden batons and flashlights,...  and kicked repeatedly all over my body, though most were aiming for my head.although i couldnt see my attackers i felt the blows they inflicted upon me. one of them kept jumping up and down on my head,"as if to try and pop it open",.,.... i was beaten into unconsciousness,..... i know i would have died that day had a crowd not gathered ,..... knowing they were being watched my assailants finally stopped beating onlooker had the presence of mind to take  pictures  with his camera phone,........  he was then grabbed by a couple of cops,.... his phone was smashed into many pieces and he was arrested and charged with "disorderly conduct",... the charges against him were later dropped.i spent 5 painfull days in jail,.. while there my lover of 15 years visited me,... in the visiting room she could not recognize me at all. she realized it was me only after we were within 2 feet of each other. she later told me that she thought i was "a black guy", because my entire face was completly blue and purple,swolen up,"like a basketball"  i recieved NO medical treatment after my beating. after being bailed out i went to the emergency room and was treated for massive contusions all over my body. since that day i havent slept more than 2-3 hours a night and this small amount of rest is always interupted by horrendous night terrors / nightmares,the theme is always the same: i am being tortured to death,... other times just outright killed. shortly after this violent event i was diagnosed with,p.t.s.d., major depression, and relationship with my fiance has suffered horribly,.. as well as every other aspect of my life; i can find no comfort, in anything.i have no desire to do much of anything......  hobbies and such that i was once very passionate about,.. no longer interest me @ all. for all intensive purposes im not "myself",....  and i hate who / and what i have become / allowed myself to be reduced to,...... i am however slowly trying to gain perspective on what was done to me and how i can "make myself well again",........ it is a very slow and painfull process.minute to minute,... day to day,In this the aftermath,.....      i struggle to gain back what was taken away from me on that day. 

crucified13 crucified13
8 Responses Dec 16, 2008

I noticed your post is in 2008. I don't know if you're still around here or not. I too was beaten badly. The guy was trying to kill me. I was struck multiple times with a weapon and then had my head stomped into concrete. I was knocked out and came to being kicked in the head. I live in fear. I would love to chat with you or anyone else willing to talk about events in our lives. I feel alone. I feel like everyone thinks I'm tough and should be okay. I'm not tough and I'm not okay. I know how hard it is to deal with. We have never met but at the same time we understand one another. Best wishes to all.

hi, im very sorry to hear what happened to you! i suffer from PTSD and anxiety as well as many other things. i know how hard it can be to live with but you cannot blame yourself, as some of the other memebrs have said, look into the future, alothough you cannot change the past your past makes up the future, so learn from your experience as horrible as it was, thigns that happen to us in life teach us great values. once you sort out and "get past" what has happened to you you will find thigns hidden in it that you were "taught".....i hope those bast**** get what is coming to you, no matter what the issue no one ever deserves that!!!! i cannot bring my self to understand why you were thrown into jail and why their charges were dropped!!! <br />
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I'm usually not one to advocate lawyers and lawsuits, but I think you need one. Being thrown into jail after being assaulted is a clear violation of your civil rights. At least, if this attack happened in the US or another Western Country.<br />
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If not, I'm sorry for what happened. Justice isn't fair. But know that thugs like that will get what's coming to them. Violence begets violence. The chances are they will die a violent death or rot away in jail.

As you well know, what has taken place back in those moments has long since stop. It is now history. It no longer exists. Yet the memory of what took place feels very real and for many when this happens to them it is real! They are re-experiencing all of those trapped negative emotions attached to the memories of what took place. It is these trapped emotions that cause the problems. If you remove the negative emotions from the memories, you can remember them, but they have no affect on you. They now have no power over your life, so you get your life back.<br />
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I use an energy therapy to quickly and effectively get rid of the past negative memories. You don't have to live with this!<br />
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"You can't change history, but you can change the future!"

I am so so sorry that happened to you, I can't imagine what that would have been like. And now not only have you been through something horrendous and cruel, but your still going through it every day with you PTSD. <br />
You didn't allow yourself to have PTSD, its one of those things that just happens, and it doesn't mean you are weak or anything like that. And you are allowed to be damaged from something that horrible, it doesn't mean they have won or that you are any less, its natural. Whatever you are going through, you have the right to go through it and the right to feel any way you want. I hope you have good support, its hard recovering from PTSD alone. <br />
I hope things get better for you soon. <br />

OMG Im really sorry . I understand a lot of the pain u are going through. My daughter passed away 6 moths ago. I have the same symtoms as you. My fiance' and I are really struggaling. It is so hard.. Try keeping busy. Ive decided to oaint my whole house that worked for a bit but i have so much anger and pain. Im sorry Take care

oh.... i am , true.... im trying to

Just be glad that you are still alive. You cant change the past, you cant live your life being afraid, you need to remember you are a survivor and you need to live your life and love the people who are in it