I Can't Believe I Have Ptsd It's Not Possible
Two people have mentioned to me that they think I have PTSD. So I thought hmm I'm not a soldier. I haven't been in a bad car accident. I haven't seen any traumatic events other then on t.v. But I have been recently attacked. Still I felt I was doing fine with the attack. The thing that is bothering me is the bully at my workplace. The bullying of me is so bad that I have anxiety attacks at work and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. The bully crap I'm dealing with at work has brought up an old bully memory. It happened many years ago, but the pain of that bully episode is stronger then ever. I realized that for years I've been plagued with that pain. I try to avoid that pain by not going around the family members who bullied me years ago. But still it haunts me. I felt I had forgiven these people for what they did to me years ago, but that I choose not to go around people who are abusive. (which is what bullying is ABUSE) So now that I'm being bullied in my workplace I seem to be having all kinds of stress and other problems. So when I looked up what PTSD was I was shocked to find that the symptoms they have, I match almost all of them. How can bullying cause me to have PTSD? I'm sure that the attack is also a contributor. But really all I think about is humans and how can they be so cruel? I find myself feeling hopeless because I can't believe that humans can be so cruel. When I think about what my boss is doing to me at work, I do feel like I'm seeing something to unbelievable to believe. I am shocked. I sometimes think that if I had been in a bad car wreck and I saw something horrible like someone's body part being cut off. That is how I feel about being bullied. It's like I can't believe it. It can't be true is what I keep saying in my mind. It can't be true that humans are so cruel. I've never been cruel. So how can others be cruel? It's so hard for me to believe that I do feel hopeless about my future. I wonder why this is the second time that I'm being bullied. The bullying is exactly the same. The person doing the bullying now is doing exactly what the others did to me. The silent treatment, the not making eye contact, the ignoring and pretending I do not exist. The manipulating of others to not like me, the getting others on their bully team against me. I didn't do anything to deserve being treated like this or abused like this. So I'm left standing in disbelief. It's not possible that humans are this cruel, I keep telling myself this. And then when I realize that humans are cruel, I feel hopeless. There seems to be no point to living.