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Trying To See The Person Inside Me Standing Up For Myself

I dont really like who I am as a person compared to say 20 years ago ... I was a very happy young woman at college in 1992 ... I was struggling at different times but I liked myself more back then ... I even like myself more back 25 years ago... that was 1987 I might have been a little plumpy baby phat but I was happy in a strange way ... 

I just feel like I have had to lower my standards too much 

why do people act so weird ??? like I could never say those things to Sue she wrote about me... 

" I don't have to justify my study life or work life to her" and she has way too much arrogance ... I see myself above her these days in all ways 

manners, personality and style... gosh I would never say to a relative they have not worked hard ...  that is what I do not like about Sue as a person 

the way she honestly thinks men want her body all the time and the continual flirting she goes on with would put to shame any high school girl I swear

Sue just thinks the world rotates around her and that blonde waffle of hers ... like I know she has had things happen but its about time she noticed I am important and she can't have babies ... she has to understand that people will get put out by her flirting with young men ,,, in the shop its just too much the way she went on flirting with this young guy ... I mean she is not a single woman... and she is old can't she see... that girls like me are gonna be put out by her selfish displays of self love and mindless self obsession... she can't have a baby now ... and she is married 

I have never been married and never had a baby .. she should not flirt with men who might like me more than her...
and that includes any guy.... I am sick of Sue thinking she is the only one that counts...

if I was married and I had a young cousin I would help her to meet nice young men and not flirt with people

she did the same thing with Andrew Lamming at a garden Party she took my mother too.. and flirted like some nepho maniac and he is married and she is an old bag...

like seriously doesnt she think that another nice young woman would like a chance to meet nice young men??? when will her ego stop?

and all I ever heard growing up was poor Brigette, poor Louise, Poor sue ... long suffering Elizabeth ... pretty pretty Elizabeth

did they ever once think about me ...? did they ever once just say " we care about what happened to you"

all she wants to do is take take take all the time.... and I am sick of Sue and Elizabeth and Louise now ...

they never gave much love or time of day to me at all.... they never wanted to know me at all...


I think that is a lack of justice that no one bothered to notice that I was socially pushed out of the world when my father became unemployed

and that maybe I would have liked a nice young teenage boy treating me right and not getting all the hand me down dirt bags of others that did nothing for me what so ever

I think Sue is incredible selfish and if I died in 2 weeks time what will she say about the way she treated me???

I have to let out my anger on EP... but she has no right to push me too far... she has no right to over step the mark with her selfish narcissistic ways

(I wonder even if she knows what the word narcissistic means?) all my female cousins are extremely vain and egoistic about themselves and the self gratifications of love and sex ... for some reason they didn't seem to think I deserved as much love as them... for some reason they decided that I didn't have a need for friends or a boyfriend in my teens ... and I think that is very selfish ... all teen girls deserve a nice teenage boyfriend or a nice young guy to show them that men are not all gonna be like Ron Poacher ...

that is the thing that hurts me ... that Sue has all a long really believed that I am lazy and do not work ... Id like to see her go to university and see how hard it is and not have a husband to turn to for any emotional or financial support .... see how she finds the dorm teachers and the lectures and when the doors are locked on her.....


I don't think I was asking too much.... I still remember the guy in my drama class ... and he was something wonderful
Sue does not have a right to possess him or his body either...

I should have been allowed to have social friends and a boyfriend ... while helping out at the radio station when I was 15 and 19... etc

I thought by getting out and doing things I would find a nice young guy somewhere...

I don't think Sue knows how it feels to have every door slap in her face and have no money and no friends and then have people labeling you a lezo and  a then a sl ut cuz you were sexually abused or raped ... I had a stroke and a collapse ... I collapsed at school .. I was in a car accident ...

sue just has to understand that she has an ego out of control and someone needs to hammer it down.... I know what I say is not sounding nice .... I have had to get very nasty to get my point across but Sue has to understand ... that if she keeps pushing herself at people and never listens and never shows care they are not gonna care much about her .... I rarely push myself onto others ... I was taught to give other people respect and space
its like Sue has ADHD... she will not communicate in a normal way ..I have seen her do this over and over and over again she talks over the top of people she talks obsessively about herself in my company ever since I was a kid ... she never asks or shows interest in what I have done or am doing ... she is just a big blabba mouth conceited 6itch ...

I dont understand people

and I am just learning to stand up for myself and say to people ENOUGH >>>> get off my space .... I am sick of my relatives LIKE SUE N ELIZABETH N LOUISE stealing my parents friends and obsessing herself into their lives... without a thought that someone has needs other than herself....

I NEVER WANTED A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOWING I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED.... I DIDN'T WANT IT RUINING MY CAREER CHOICES ETC
SUE HAS TO UNDERSTAND THAT I NEVER ONCE TALKED ABOUT MY ABUSE TIL 15 YEARS AGO IN A SUPPORT GROUP... I NEVER PUSHED IT ON OTHERS ... AND I HAVE SUFFERED MAYBE MORE THAN HER...

I HAD A MISCARRIAGE AND WAS RAPED... I HAD A STROKE... I COLLAPSED AT SCHOOL AFTER A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE WITH MY GREAT UNCLE AND WAS SO STRESSED ... i HAVE BEEN BASHED TOO MANY TIMES NOW ...  ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS AND I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF 

SHE HAS TO UNDERSTAND ... THAT I AM A PERSON TOO... AND NOT JUST HER.... HER  HER...  
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F 4 Responses Feb 5, 2012

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MY MUM HAS SAID THAT YOU ARE TO STAY WAY FROM OUR HOUSE AND IF YOU COME HERE I WILL BASH YOU GOOD AND PROPER OLD DOG... I HATE ALL YOU SCUM WHO WENT AROUND LYING ABOUT ME.... SO YOU HAVE NOT WON OVER ME SUE ... MY MUM IS NOT HAPPY WITH THE THINGS YOU WROTE ABOUT ME... YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING SMERKY COMMENTS ABOUT MY HEALTH OR HAIR OR MENTAL CAPACITY OR MY SISTERS EITHER... YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING FUN OF MY FATHER EITHER,,,



MICHEAL IS A SPASTIC NO GOOD ABSOLUTE IDIOT... WHO SHOULD HAVE HIS HEAD BLOWN OFF WITH A GUN... HE IS BELOW ME AS A PERSON AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY EYES ... A VIOLENT OLD BA RST ARD RUDE PIG BOY.... MUCH LIKE YOU WHEN YOU WERE SCOFFING A STINKY KEBAB... MEN DO NOT WANT YOU SUE ... THEY DO NOT WANT YOU FLIRTING WITH THEM SO GROW UP AND STOP TRYING TO BE A LITTLE GIRL... AND HAVING AFFAIRS ... ON YOUR HUSBAND...



MICHEAL IS A DIRTY OLD MAN DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY OLD OLD MAN! AND A CREATURE OF SH IT...



YOUR THE INSANE WOMAN SUE WHO SHOULD BE LOCKED AWAY IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION AND NEVER BE SEEN OR HEARD OF AGAIN YOU SH IT RETARD .... YOUR A SPASTIC LYING STUCK UP SNOB ...



YOU ARE A BAD SATANIC WOMAN SUE ... YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PERSON AT ALL... YOU ARE A BAD PERSON ... AN EVIL EVIL SATANIC WITCH BAG!!!



IF YOUR HUSBAND COMES NEAR ME I WILL BASH HIM ... I WILL NOT TAKE HIS BS ... HE IS A COMPLETE IDIOT

AND SUE YOU ARE A MONGREL PERSON TO KNOW THE SH IT OF SH IT TO KNOW ...



YOU SENILE OLD SPASTIC WH ORE YOU ARE A DIRTY DOG DIRTY FLIRT WHO NEEDS A GOOD KICK UP THE AR SE OLD GIRL... YOUR A SH IT PUTRID WRINKLED OUT DIRTY OLD FLESHED UGLY MONGREL SENILE OLD BAG... WHO SHOULD BE IN A COFFIN... YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE DIRTY WHINING GUTS ACHING STUPID VOICE SICKENED ME WHEN YOU HAD TO DESTURB MY SLEEP RINGING ABOUT YOUR OLD SL UT MOTHER DYING ... NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT THE OLD DOG... LEAST OF ALL ME... THANK GOD THE 6ITCH IS DEAD WITH ALL HER GAMES AND CHILDISH BS... SHE ROBBED MY MUM OUT OF LIFE .. AND SHE ROBBED MY INNOCENCE AS WELL.... WE SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER STAYING AT OUR PLACE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.... YOUR AN OLD BAG SUE AND OLD OLD OLD OLD BAG NO YOUNG MAN WOULD WANT YOU ... STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUNG MEN... THEY DONT WANT YOU!

SUE FORGETS I HAVE PROTECTION ORDERS HERE I CAN IMPLEMENT AND I CAN STOP HER RINGING ME ... AND I SPOKE TO A POLICE OFFICER TODAY ABOUT HER TROLLOPING ACT DIRTY EMAIL TO ME...



SUE YOUR JUST A DIRTY OLD BAG ... YOUR AN OLD WOMAN WHO SHOULD BE PLAYING BINGO AND GETTING OUT OF MY FACE OLD GIRL/



I WILL BELT YOUR DIRTY MONGREL FACE IF YOU COME NEAR ME WH ORE.. AND STOP FLIRTING WITH YOUNG MEN... YOU DIRTY OLD WOMAN DOG...



NO ONE REALLY LIKES YOU SUE ... YOUR A SPASTIC LITTLE SPASTIC DOG....



AND YOUR HUSBAND IS A COMPLETE SPASTIC VIOLENT RETARD ... HE MAN SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS... HE IS A NO GOOD MOGNREL PIG BOY...



I CAN FINISH YOUR MONGREL FACE FROM EVER COMING NEAR ME EVER AGAIN YOU DEFINANT OLD WITCH... YOU ARE A STUPID OLD WOMAN ... AND DIRTY FLIRT ... YOU CAN NOT BE TRUSTED WITH MEN SUE ... AND YOU HAVE AN EGO OUT OF CONTROL THAT NEEDS PUNISHING INTO PLACE... YOUR A RUDE DIRTY OLD COW...



AND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE LAW... AND PROBABLY MUCH ELSE...



YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW ME AND ALL YOU DID WAS PUT ME DOWN SUE DOG...





STOP RINGING MY MOTHER YOU HAVE AN UN-NATURAL ATTACHMENT TO MY MOTHER ... YOU LITTLE GIRL.... AND YOU HAVE HAD A HUSBAND TO RUN AFTER YOU ... YOU HAVE NOT WORKED THAT MUCH AT ALL... YOUR JUST SELFISH AND SENILE... A SENILE OLD BAG DIRTY WH ORE SENILE MENOPAUSAL STUPID FAT OLD BAG...

i THINK SUE AND ELIZABETH N LOUISE SHOULD HAVE SHOWN MORE CARE FOR ME AS A TEEN AND YOUNG WOMAN... AND THEY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MORE INTEREST IN MY WELFARE.. GOD KNOWS i DID WITH KAREN AND ROBERT



I THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT I WOULD WANT A MARRIAGE AND A BABY IN MY TWENTIES .... AND THAT A GUY LIKE RUSSELL WAS NOT MY IDEA OF LOVE ... AND KEN WAS NOT MY IDEA OF ANYTHING GOOD AT ALL...



I SHOULD HAVE HAD A NICE GUY LIKE THE DRAMA GUY OR HEAPS OF OTHERS TAKING AN INTEREST IN ME ...



I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY I WAS IGNORED ALL THROUGH MY TEEN YEARS AND EARLY TWENTIES... !!!! IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE PLANED IT TO HAPPEN AND STOPPED GUYS LIKING ME... AND THAT IS JUST PLAIN WRONG! AND EVIL...