It's Been A Long Battle

and I'm finally winning.

Well, maybe I've been winning for a fair while, but it took a long time, and even sometimes now I struggle with it. I hated myself when I was younger. I knew I was a *****, I knew I was unpleasant, and I felt fat and ugly. As a result, I spent my younger life trying to get people to notice me, hoping that someone out there would like me.

Things have obviously changed a lot, as it does for everyone. My view on the world has shifted drastically through all my experiences. I am comfortable with myself in every aspect. I'm not a ***** anymore, atleast I don't think I am - perhaps sometimes I am crude but I always try to be as fair as possible... and sometimes it might seem like I lack compassion. I don't do anything to spite anyone unless they REALLY **** me off... but it takes a lot to do that. I like helping people, seeing them happy and do well, and I like sharing. My friends and I love each other, and I know that because of them I love myself that much more - I feel like I'm worth something.

And, in terms of physical aspects, I feel much more comfortable than in the past, though I still struggle with it sometimes. I finally feel attractive, I finally seem to have people notice me, but at the same time I wear whatever I want to wear. Some days I still do feel ugly, or fat, or whatever, but it's a huge step from the self consciousness that plagued my younger mind for so long. I spent the summer being a major ****, and I know well it was out of self consciousness... I wanted to prove to myself and others that I was worth it. Love has, however, taught me that I have no need for that anymore. I've learned to appreciate what I have, and I make the best of it.

In any case, I'm finally in a peaceful state of mind with myself. I love myself, my talents, my body, everything, and I'm so glad to be myself.
BrownEyedMystery BrownEyedMystery
Dec 3, 2012