Stuck

To tell this story is to face the fact that I am stuck because I refuse to do anything about it. I have a 14 year old with a man I met, fell in love with, had a child with and then grew apart.
I guess I feel stuck because he has a whole life that doesn't include me - his hobbies, friends, things he likes to do -- don't inlcude me, or our daughter. I would walk out the door like I've done so many times, but it's hard.
It's hard because he has his name on his house; I drive a truck I pay for but is in his name also; I own nothing individually. If I walk away, would I be able to drive my stuff to a new place in the truck? If he wanted to be a **** - no. I'm stuck in a cycle of poverty with him where our bills and his screwups cost us so much money, I'd be lucky to save $20 a paycheck to move out.
He doesn't really want me here either. I sucks to feel tolerated. Basically, Im self-employed and make good money when there is work, but it's not that steady. Him, unemployed. I pay the mortgage on his house. He's been out of work for almost 5 years now, says he's too old when he's 47 and generally gets under my skin.
I guess I feel stuck because I want my kid to have a family, yet I know it's an ideal one. I'm selfish too -- I want to drive a car I don't have to worry about breaking down in the middle of the road. I want to live in a house. I only have a sister who's on her own totally and an elderly mother who lives across the country. I guess I'm afraid to be alone, that I can't make it by myself.

If I ever win the lottery (and I play sometimes, because it gives me hope, a feeling I don't experience very often) I would love to help women and children who are alone like me with no help, to get setup somewhere and have somewhere to turn to when stuck.
That's it.
sinbad666 sinbad666
41-45, F
2 Responses Oct 24, 2012

I empathize with your situation. I am a 48 year old woman who is married to a man, we have a young son together. My husband is an ex-military guy. I lost my career path and a lot of time moving with him across the country and back. It has been difficult to find steady employment because people don't want to hire people who they know won't be around for long. Now we are out of the military and I am trying to gain some career ground but it is a slow climb and still unsteady work since my work involves the construction industry which is still bust around here. My husband tells me not to dream, have goals, or desires. Essentially I am supposed to suck it up because he pays most of the bills, is the "man of the house" and he states that I have to learn to live with the consequences of my decisions. I'm a realist but the fact remains that many of these decisions were not made by me. I'd leave but I don't want to do that to my son (even if he came with me) and I cannot afford to exist without his income at this point of my life. I feel very, very stuck and very sad. My marriage is not a horrible one but it isn't a joyful partnership either. It is just co-habitation at this point.

What a horrible situation. No one should have to be in a relationship where you are put up with. You should be cherished and loved. You can always message me to vent. It's not much, but at least it's something.