Through The Greatest Of Suffering, In The Midst Of Chaos, Comes That Clarity, I So Often Long For..
Is it true? Those that suffer the most, sit with it....riding the wave of pain, even embracing the ability to ride it out, and not act it out, is that were the clarity is born from? The light, shines, even brighter, again? It beauty of the storm, passes, and the beauty of the sun, shines through? They are equally beautiful - the suffering, the pain, and the happiness, as it subsides! The ability to be so grateful to not only feel one thing, but have one feeling, and then, another - SO NOT LINEAR, and that is so AMAZING! I ask question after question, so often, and my answers', are not very easy to give, nor are they ever easy to take, sometimes, but I do, take them, and try to give it a knew outlook. Where so we settle on what we do not know? I tend to be very philosophical, very often, and also, abstract, but there is something I am trying to get across and so often, I get lost in my though.... Today, my wave began at around 11:00 a.m. I was in suffering, to be honest, but it was worth it, each and every minute of it, was leading me to this moment, my clarity. I woke up, then, and the tears, just came in bouts were I was shaking, trembling, convulsing, retching, vomiting, sweating, freezing, dizzy....to hear the sobs, see my body, bare witness to what I was going through... I hide. I stayed alone, through it, for a very important reason that I want to point out. When one goes through this, it is all to often, society's mis-perception to try and alleviate the suffering, fix it, or take some of the pain, away, but that is where the tragedy really is... The inability to bare witness to such raw, intense emotion and not do ANYTHING - no words, nothing, no medicine, just let the humanness come out and be grateful to witness.....not taking it on, not stopping it, just watching the beauty of one being able to go through such a process, without having to do anything, but ride it out.....as I have. Yet, I could not let another watch, for one reason, this time - FEAR that they will think it was so rough for me, so painful, that they would not let me ride it out and think I could not deal. Yeah, my pain was high, today. My physical pain, has escalated, stemming also, from emo pain, but I survived it. Oh, yeah, and, by the way, when I say survived, I am very tired of surviving, maybe for a few minutes, at least today, I can LIVE!