I struggle with compliments for a variety of reasons.

One, I come from the understanding that when you're first meeting someone or haven't seen someone in a long time you will usually comment on their hair or what they're wearing to break the ice. Yes, its nice you took the time to notice and say something nice, but I knowe often times its there to break the ice.

Second, I feel feeling good about said compliment digs into self esteem. For a person with a lot of esteem the compliments are constantly coming. They get them a lot. A person with lower self esteem tends to want those compliments, craves them to make them feel good.

What about the person in between? Like myself. There are days whre I receive a compliment easily. I say thank you and comment on something back. I easily take the gesture. On the days I am not feeling good about myself I don't want them because if I am commented on an area that I don't believe in myself it makes me think about that and how I hate it. It brings atttention to those areas wherw I am insecure, and I am already struggling with the day ahead.

I know compliments are suppose to make a person feel good, but for me they don't always.
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7 Responses Feb 24, 2011

Bear in mind that people mean well when the give compliments. I know the feeling of not wanting them sometimes, but one has to be nice and all that - so, grin and bear it (or bare it, if you feel like it!)

you really express yourself in a deep and meaningful way. I also have a lot of esteem questions. I admire your ability to put the idea of compliments into perspective. (don't take that as a compliment --- unless you want to ;)

I used to find it hard to take a compliment... now I guess I am OK with it. But as you mentioned, there is always a subtext - the compliment might just be an ice-breaker, or someone compliments you even though they don't mean it, because they want to make oyu feel better. Also, I find men usually dish out the compliments when they want to get in your pants...

I admire the guts it takes to write something like this. I understand what you're feeling here.. I have good days and bad when it comes to my self esteem and I too on my bad days have a hard time accepting compliments.. it makes me feel awkward and embarrassed, and sometimes I question if they're sincere. Thanks for writing this

I feel that you have really superseded your talents here, I was so amazed by your every single word, which had me from start to finish on the edge of my seat, brilliantly written and a joy in reading.......:)

well, the good news is you don;t have to worry about this sort of thing with me any more.

wow De, just take them as they come. there are times that a smile is good enough when someone gives you a compliment.