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The Creator

I'm beginning this as a collection of screw ups, attempts to be better, epiphanies about life and mortality. Which is a pretty fundamental part of every self aware & constructive person's life. I'll start this with something I've been thinking about lately. I'm 20 now, but when I was a teenager I tried cutting. I didn't do it because I wanted to die. The first time I did it, was when I really hurt someone close to me... and I didn't feel bad at all. I knew that I should feel bad though, and that I had done something against my morals. I cut myself to physically punish myself, to feel something, because I knew I should feel bad. It continued every now and then, becoming an outlet. Obviously, there are much better ways to channel your feelings, and I eventually decided to stop. No one knew anything. I moved on.

My younger cousin asked me if I've ever cut last night on Facebook. Are you supposed to answer that kind of question honestly, or with a lecture? Deciding to tell her I had, I repeated to her a less descriptive version of my first paragraph. She claimed to understand completely, told me she was currently cutting and someone had seen her scars that day. So, we talked about why I decided to quit, and self betterment jazz.

I feel like I did the right thing, talking to her about cutting but in the back of my mind there is some doubt. Thoughts that maybe I encouraged her, with the normality and casualness of the situation.
WasNeverHere WasNeverHere 18-21 Feb 7, 2013

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