My Marriage.

I spent 8 years as an airforce wife and mom of 4. I thought I had a good life then my ex got out of the military for a high paying contractor job he stopped coming home  then disapeared. I had to move 2000 miles back home with 4 children. Going from middle class to almost homless. I went back to college and did what I had to 2 years later my ex was found and is now supporting his children. That broke my soul and my spirit more than anyone could ever know. I changed.

My ex is now on wife number 3. I met someone. Probably out of lonliness, I dropped out of college one semester short of graduating. Dumb!!!! I moved to be closer and we married in 2006. I love him. We had a baby in 2008. However he has hurt me he talked me into joiing the service and while I was away he carried on an online emotional affair for 3 months ( 2 years ago) The woman was shocked to hear he was married. I should have left him but instead I went awol ( which I now cleared up. Another chance at bettering my life and finishing something up in smoke.

The oher day I suprised him at work and he was online looking at personals. He said to see if I was on one. Which makes no sense. He says I dont clean the house, I am lazy and a loser. ect. I can see his frustration. I am those things at the moment. I just feel no joy. I feel like I will never be truly loved. I am trying to get organized and get ahold of my life. I want to just leave and go back home but... I would be running away again. Plus be starting over again at 35. I have made some stupid decesions... I need to get back to the old me. I need to be healthy again. How do I dig out of this?!

tryinginok tryinginok
31-35, F
1 Response Dec 11, 2009

Just listen to what your heart says. It is where the Joy comes from. Your mind is what helps you make all the decisions right. Choices I mean.<br />
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Just close your eyes and think, what will make you happy. Make a decision based on that and stick by that.<br />
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If that helps<br />
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Love n light.