I Wish I Could Disappear........

My real family, I dont know. My mother, father, and brother are out there somewhere in this world. They are living and suffering, I wonder if they think about me, especially  my mother who couldn't care for me. Still I wish they had not taken me away, I am beyond feeling lonely. Friends? I don't remember what thjose are. I'm very tired of waking up to this life, I hate it so much. I am very angry, full of too many scars, rage, bitter, I am tired of facing the world everyday. I wish one day I will not wake up. I'm sorry this isn't a positive story, but thanks for reading.
Ameliorate Ameliorate
26-30, M
3 Responses Apr 23, 2011

hi man want to talk with me ? i think it is good if you can share those bad things with someone you can trust and who tries to understand you ;)

Your 'life', is the life you were meant to have. I know it doesn't make sense, and it isn't fair...but you do have purpose....you just need to find what fills you up.
You are so much more than, even you know....try be interested in figuring out your purpose in life, rather than figuring out how to stop it.
I do know how it feels to want to disappear, but I am trying to think differently, because I do believe our thoughts turn us into who we are.
I tell myself what is good about myself, rather than all the things I dislike about me....I hope it works.
I have done the same thing my whole life, telling myself I am fat, ugly, worthless, unimportant, a burden, dumb, lazy....and it wasn't working for me....now I CHOOSE to think differently, I CHOOSE to think the opposite of what I normally think about me.
Look at yourself from another persons perspective....and fight back and love yourself. HUGS

Hmmmm, I don't believe fate dictates my life, I believe that as a 'spirit', we choose the life we want to be born into (I believe lives are like going to school). For whatever reason may be at the time, I am unsure... But before we are born into a human body and use it as a vehicle here on earth, we CHOOSE the path we need to take, based on the lessons learned in our 'previous' lives. Each life we are born into, is a learning process, like attending school, and until we learn all there is to know, about kindness, empathy, acceptance, love, becoming a higher being, we will continue to be born into different lives, until we 'get it'!!
Hope that helps? Gosh I sound like a whack job? This is my theory anyway, whether or not I can 'advocate both statements', I don't know, but I just speak my truth and hope to be understood?!

I don't know anything for sure, it's just my theory, if we continue to make bad choices, we must continue to learn the lesson, until it finally 'clicks', then we move forward for the next batch of lessons. Have you ever met someone, that you have seen so much goodness in, they ooze positivity, they are kind beyond measure. They just are a human, you hope to become one day? Baby's are blank pages, you are correct, but have you ever chatted or been with a small child that amazes you with their blunt, truth, they appear to be and old soul? A child that accepts their cancer, embraces the short life they have, and you think...if that were my kid, they'd be angry and negative....mad at the world, and yet these kids....seem to possess such a higher knowledge, that even us adults don't understand? By the way, there is no such thing as a dumb question, and I am just as confused as the next person....
What I feel today, hasn't always been my way of thinking, I used to feel sorry for myself, pity myself, and still have those moments, but when I began to think differently, things changed.
When I decided that I chose this journey, and I may not understand now, why, but this is my life, I chose it, to learn a certain lesson, it is now my job to figure it out.
As a young child, I was told by my mother, that she 'liked' my twin more, but 'loved' us both equally. It hurt and still does, but to a lesser extent now. Now I have empathy for my Mom, she only did or said, what she did, because she didn't know better. She liked the child that made life easier for her, period. She took that as a sign of love and respect. I questioned everything.
Have you ever known someone that has decided to turn their life around, and you've felt sad that you couldn't do the same, sad that you haven't yet reached that stage in your life yet, and a little jealous that they have already.
Like someone that decides, I am done being fat, and they lose weight and get ,fit and become amazing and you think....why can't I be her, why can't I become better?

And humans continue to make the same mistakes, because we are just that, 'human', and I believe that once we have 'lived' enough in this world, making the same dumb mistakes over and over, we will eventually 'learn' all we need to know.

Ok prayer will give you guidance and physical exercise will ameliorate some of your rage, anger, disappointment. As much as you may think you dislike people, i must suggest you volunteer somewhere, even one day a week. Helping others will also help you. Give you better perspective on life and calm you down. You never have to apologize for posting anything negative. That is the point of EP, to give you a voice for the help and advice you seek. So vent here in this safe place and receive your blessings. Write to me if you feel like discussing anything in particular or even just anything in general. I think you have a lot of potential, you are just upset by a lot of things right now. It will be ok. You will see. Do you have a job? What is it ? .... take care :) your friend .. phat :)

Okay, I don't believe in "God", and I am a highly active person; run, cycle, attend the gym very often, this is not a source that aids my psychology on disliking people or how society functions. Why does everyone speak in such general terms? I have volunteered for the SPCA in the past, and looking into volunteering for another organization helping animals, I don't need to like people or care for many people, period. It's just not for me, I could explain further how much people misunderstand and misrepresent (therefore disliking) me, then you would fully get where I am coming from. When people don't receive you well, because you may be different, it is not easy for them to act in a way that is welcoming, or friendly. Why should I like these people who don't like me? It's not going to happen! But it's okay, I do have my life goals and lifestyle planned out- I will seek the happiness I can with what I can work with.