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How Many Times Can You Forgive Someone?

 What if I’m working too hard in life to be happy, to find happiness? What if I’m so busy trying to make things happen that I’m not open to receiving? What if the answer to being happier is the simple concept of surrender? Could this be possible?  According to Ch 16 “the receiving mediation” from “be happy” by Robert Holden Ph.D that is the answer, I need to surrender so I can begin receiving.  

I also need to give up resentment and choose forgiveness and love. In the bible it talks about forgiveness all the time, and encourages everyone to be quick to forgive. I have no problem with forgiving someone who’s truly sorry and vows to never do _________ again, but my problem is what happens when they do ______ again. I figure if they do _______ again then my forgiveness is void.  What do I do when the person wants to be forgiving again? Depending on what ______ is sometimes it’s easy to forgive the second time, but then after they continue doing _____ and continually want to be forgiven it really puts doubt in my mind that they are really sorry and the trust we once shared is now broken and for me it is not easily regained.  I know I need to forgive for myself. I need to have faith in God that once I have done my part of forgiving that God will do his part in providing justice. That is so much easier said then done. As of now I am so hurt and so afraid of being hurt again and being dragged back into the cycle abuse.  I don’t want to be one of those women who you wonder, “Why don’t they just leave?”

Yesterday his doctor contacted him and after their initial visit and a review of a test he took there is a high possibility he may have ADD. (Click here for more info on ADD)

With that being said, I don’t want to give him an excuse for his bad behavior in the past, at the same time maybe his having ADD could be controlling his life. I don’t know enough about ADD of if he even has it, but maybe it’s like PMS, as much as I want to be nice loving and kind the “Grouchy Monster” overtakes me and it doesn’t matter what I do I just cant get things to come out and across in a nice loving manner.

What I have read on ADD it says that people with ADD have a tendency to blurt hurtful things out. He does that sometimes, maybe in a way it’s not all his fault, maybe it’s due to his having ADD? Maybe if he is diagnosed with ADD, maybe he’ll learn how to control his damaging behaviors and we’ll be able to repair our relationship.  (I’m not saying everything is his fault, if you read past and future posts in this blog you will learn all about my less then admirable qualities, due to this blog is all about me and my struggles and successes in life.)

The above article suggests that for people who have a tendency to blurt things out that they should pause: “…before you speak. If you tend to blurt out things without thinking, you might want to practice stopping yourself before making a comment. If you still feel that the comment is important after five or ten minutes, then it is probably worth repeating. However, you might find that the comment was inappropriate, or you have thought of a better way of wording it.”

 If he does have ADD hopefully he will be able to learn skills to compensate. I know I have PMS and I am working hard to find ways to get rid of it and to compensate so when I do have PMS I can control my feelings and not have my feelings control me. I have been working really hard to gain control of my daily emotions and for the most part I really feel I have overcome my battle with Depression and Anxiety, I feel like I’m 100% from how I was feeling this past May, my emotions still go up and down, but instead of like “Space Mountain”, it’s more like “Pirates of the Caribbean.”  I still strugle with controlling my moods during PMS and for now it seems PMS is winning. 

To read more visit my blog at: http://wifetellsall.blogspot.com/

WifeTellsAll WifeTellsAll 31-35, F Nov 10, 2009

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