My Son Ignored Me On Mother's Day

M y family is my son. He loves me I know, but on Mothers Day, the time I thought I would hear from him, he completely ignored me. I thought it didn't hurt, but it does. Here it is 2 days after Mothers Day and I'm crying. Sometimes he brings up that I did some things to him that he won't ever forget. I was mean and I've said I was sorry many times. I can't keep on saying it. He's having a hard time making a living in Santa Monica and was angry when I moved to Taiwan to work. But I had to make a living too. We've always been close, and he's really the only family I have. But on Mothers Day he didn't send a text message or an email even. I know now that his actions were intentional. How do I know? I just do. In a few days or weeks he will write and say something was wrong with his phone or something like that, but I know the truth-that he let me down when it counted. I never forgot his special days-ever. I am so sad it is hard to pull out of it I don't want to be vulnerable like this again. When I know what was happening, I sent him some food cards for restaurants in the area. Why I did that, I don't know. I felt hurt and so I give. I don't want anybody to analyze me. It makes me very angry to be told this and that when people don't know me. I need something else, not to be analyzed. If you have to do that do it to yourself. I'm sad and I take medicine for it. But today I'm sad anyway. I just had to get it out.
Tateanator Tateanator
56-60, F
48 Responses May 15, 2007

Im so sorry for your sadness. I can truly understand. I have 3 children all grown. My oldest daughter and I talk and get together. I saw her on Mothers day but my middle daughter pretty much hates me and has for a long time. It actually started when she was about 6. But now my son my youngest who is 21 does not return calls or texts. I have asked him why he is mad but no reply. I too got no call or text or acknowledgement from bi. O. Mothers day. I have also cried many a times over my daughters hatred for me. I have tried talkng to her apologizing to her. For whatever shes mad about and she wants no relationship with me. My son lives with her in an apartment the last 2 years. There is anger and resentment towards me for leaving their father 2 years ago. I was married 25 years and loved him very much but could not gake verbal and mental abuse any longer from his drinking. I started dating someone atter i filed and moved out but did not file for divorce because of anyone. I would have liked to work things out and go to counseling but could not even get him to talk. We were in seperate rooms the last 3 years of our marriage and I spent all my time alone while he was either gone or hanging out downstairs. Even had to eat alone and spend holidays a lone. But he has played victim alot and told people he didnt kmow why i was doing this to him. I warned him many times and he would just laugh and say go for it..I am sure he has the kids feeling really bad for him and they most likely resent me. I also get paid maintenance and got half of everything but was a stay at home mom and had no college. So im resented also because he makes maintenance payments to me. I have been unable to work because of health issues and anxiety. I wish my son would tell me why hes mad or hates me as im sure you would like to know why your son s ignorring you too. I can o ly suggest tryi g to keep yourself busy as not to dwell on it but I know thats hard to do. I would suggest you still try to keep reaching out to your son but not excessively but to let him kmow you care and just saying hi and you miss him. Im going to do the same. I can no lo ver even contact my daughter. She blocked me on her phone and on email. Life is so short I hate that I am loosing precious time with my kids as im sure you feel the same way.Take care and God Bless.

I know exactly how you feel! I also have a son, who is now 40, never send a card or calls. I raised him by myself, and don't understand why he does this year after year. Maybe not a perfect mother, but have always been there for him. I do sympatize with you. Dread this Day Every Year! I was beginning to think it was just me. God Bless you and take care

I have a 26 yr old daughter that has decided I am the Devil. I have also discovered that this is a common thing with females of her age and was told to not take it personally. I was told it's her fear (whatever that may be, she needs to figure it out) being projected on to me. Okayyyy...So, this Mother's Day 2015, when I don't hear from her instead of feeling sad I am rejoicing in the fact that I have raised a very strong, independent, responsible, kind young woman. At the moment she is choosing to not share all of that with me and that's ok. I am not going to die, I am embracing the shunning I am receiving and looking for the lesson to be learned. Trying to run from it, hoping that she will call or text or email is simply going to make me feel worse when that does not happen. So I am accepting what is, realizing this is something I can handle and will come out the other side in one piece. I am being kind to myself today, and everyday, doing the things for me that I would wish I could share with her. When you embrace the pain, let go of hope, let go of fear it's amazing how the perspective changes. I wish all of you that feel forgotten and under-appreciated a Happy Mother's Day! *loves*

Aaaaw I am so sorry and I know exactly how you feel. It isn't just Mother's Day that I feel forgotten and like I don't matter at all's most everyday. Especially on all the holidays, I feel so unimportant to all 6 of my children & most of my grandchildren. Sadder because I was there 24/7 for all of them no matter what. I feel so disrespected and not loved at all...just someone they have to put up with until I pass away. I doubt I'll be missed at all. When you get older and are alone, it would mean the world to have them call and share something other than generic conversation, but it's more like they call once in awhile to see if I'm still alive. I think truly they will all be relieved when I am gone.

Reading your reply I honestly thought you were my mother in law (but she only has 5 children). I obviously don't know your full situation but what I wanted to say is that we have similar issues with my MIL. What she seems to not acknowledge is that her children all have their own families now. Believe me, she is still important to them all and we want her to have a special day, BUT, it's also a special day for the new fathers and mothers. She's had her turn of the day being all about her, its now her childrens turn to be spoilt by their kids (her grandkids). I don't want to take anything away from how your are treated or how you feel, but I think it's something to consider on these days that although you are still important in their lives you are unfortunately no longer their priority. It doesn't mean you don't matter.

In some respects you are quite correct in you comments. I think most of us elders do understand this... But you see it isn't just Mother's Day (although that seems to bring it to a head, especially with all the mass media attention) it is every day, although we can busy ourselves and tell ourselves it doesn't matter and that our kids have busy lives etc... We do all know this... But it it still hurts when you can wait weeks sometimes months and hear nothing about their lives (except maybe some of their social stuff on FB...

Really sorry to hear that... but I do understand exactly how you feel... I have two sons and 5 grand children and sometimes feel the same way... Especially on Mother's Day.. I do know my boys love me, and may even get a phone call or a Facebook msg... but not much more. The constant media commercials don't really help... I would say cheer up today, but not going to work.. So I will say, hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

I can't believe my son did not acknowledge me at all, no phone call, no text, I so wanted to see my grand kids which are twins, I love them so much. He called my mother at 9:00pm after leaving his girl friend's mother house and he has to pass by my house to take the grand kids home to their mother. I am so hurt it felt like I died inside, he has a mother "me!" but he choose to honor someone else mother and not your mother. I block his number I don't want hear the excuses. He did this Easter took the grand kid to his girl friend's mother church, I kept calling my son all that day wondering when were the grand kids and him coming by, my son never answer his phone that day.

I so upset, I forgot to say my son did not acknowledge me on Mother's Day at all

It's mothers day.... I wont get a call or a card... I waited all day yesterday for the doorbell to ring or the postman to deliver a card... the phone hasn't rang... it wont... I have apologized... asked what I did so I could apologize some more... I don't even get a Christmas card any more or pics of the grandchildren... I try to pretend I never bore them... my son or daughter that both have two children. When my husband died.. ( their step father) I begged them to come... not right away at a moments notice just within a month to help me pack up and move from the house I had to leave. They said all you ever think about is yourself ... we have lives we cant just drop everything. I am ill now... I cannot work... I have no insurance and need surgery so I use a walker... I'm 59.... I live in a crappy apartment and pinch pennies. I only got the phone so they could call me. If I call or send the grandchildren gifts I have made I never hear if they arrived. I'm so sad... I even asked them if they don't want to talk to me to at least let me talk to the grandchildren. ......... So maybe it's better if they don't call... I would only start to hope again... I have to let this balloon go.

I'm right with you . My oldest son and younger daughter ruined my birthday . I thought we were all going to the car races and then dinner. She called it off behind my back cz she didn't want to go. So I went to his house a mile away n he was asleep and my granddaughter had been sent to an overnight ! I was so sad for months. Like you I gave at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hebwintneven talk to me or return texts now. I have no explanation. Both of them will drive hundreds of miles for in laws but not 25 for me . I want to scream or leave town and let them find out later.

I am so upset myself right now and have been for quite some time. I have 2 grown estranged sons and I don't know why they won't bother with me and a daughter who bothers with me but is very mean and nasty towards me. She has two small children 6 and 3 and only lets me see the kids when she needs me. I feel very lonely and depressed about this since they are really the only family I have left. I have been divorced for 19 years from my husband and live alone. I have a lot of friends but it is not the same. I know what you mean about the in-laws. My daughter and her husband drove all the time 25 miles or more to see them, although they are now both deceased and tell me I live too far and am the same distance as they were. I go to therapy but really I am still at a loss about this heartache since I was a very good wife and mother for years.

I was searching for activities to do with my 9 year old son on Mother's day and came across this post. I am sorry for what you go thru and feel so sorry for my father. My father loves my youngest brother the most. My father's birthday is 2/15, easy to remember, the day after Valentine's day. And my brother did not come (they live about 15-20mins drive apart) or call to wish him Happy Birthday. However, he/his wife got cake and celebrated his dog Valen on 2/14 and his wife posted picture on Facebook. Thanks God, my parents do not have FB account and I feel very ashamed of having such person to be my blood. I don't think I can ever forgive him...

Some mothers are just selfish and miserable people, so why should they be encouraged by affirming Mother's Day? If your mother forced you to live in house where you were raised by a jerk step dad who had the affair that broke up her first marriage, ignored emotionally and educationally, saying "snap out of it" when feeling like utter ****, offering horrible "deals" on used items like cars while favoring other "stepchildren" with paid educations and "use" of cars, then yeah, you might feel no need to affirm these holidays. Respect is earned, just like everything else in life. One of many things I had to learn on my own. Apparently some never figure it out.

there is always 2 sides to every story :) you are so right!

There are two sides to every story... I left my x when My youngest went to college... I never explained why... My x cried and said it was all my fault ... I took the high road and never said why I left maybe I should have... the unfaithfulness and the verbal abuse was too much... I beg them to forgive me for whatever I did real or perceived. I love them with all my heart. I am sorry your childhood was bad... I am saying I'm sorry to you for all the hurt you endured. Maybe I too deserve what I am getting.

It's amazing, that I know in my heart my son loves me, but here it is August an I still ponder on the phone call I didn't receive for "Mothers Day"... It hurts even more when he knows I am disabled an his girlfriend made plans to walk the zoo. Oh yes, I love in Texas an 100 degree weather. That souls give her family something to talk bout. I cried an still do. Big deal I didn't go to zoo, WHAT ABOUT A PHONE CALL, I LOVE YOU MOM HAPPY MOTHERS DAY... My problem to work through. Still no call...

Ladies, your responses and posts have helped out enormously! I have a 27 year old son that I let move into our family home in the Chicago area with his wife and my grandchild because I was moving to New Orleans. They pay rent but that only covers the mortgage payment, period. And it's lower than any rentals they could have gotten. Anyway, my daughter-in-law and myself have a dislike for each other that we both have made perfectly clear. I probably should not have said half of the things I have to her. I have apologized and we have tried to make amends. But now they are letting the house go into disrepair, and because of their laziness, my husband and myself have had to buy a brand new furnace for the house, not that it was brand new, but it should have been disclosed when it when out, instead of trying to deceive us, and then get mad at us when the truth came out! So This past Mother's day I received no card, no call, no message on Facebook, nothing. No communication what-so-ever. They have refused to sign the last lease we sent that outlined that they can have NO MORE PETS. So, I am at a loss. I think I should evict them. But that would be a terrible thing, I know. I have tried to communicate the needs of the house to my son, just maintain it! But he now says he hates that "Frickin" house but he certainly enjoys living in it without any rules. So after the no contact what so ever on Mother's Day, I am thinking I should just move back up there, evict them, and repair the house. What do you ladies think. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

The saying " A son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life" is often very true. I have two sons, and like you have had problems with their partners on occassion... After 42yrs of marriage I am now on my own. I have concluded that you MUST put yourself first in your latter years. Based on what you have stated, no matter what you do now will make any difference to their attitude to you... I think the best way to resolve the situation is to move back to the family home. They have not renewed the lease so you can give relevant notice... You do not have to explain your reasons, just do it. Once you are in the home and made the required repairs you can decide whether or not to rent it out (NOT TO FAMILY) and move away again. Who knows once you have this thorn (to both sides) removed things may improve.

PS... Just realized this was posted in 2013 - so would like to know what eventually happened.

When I was growing up Mother's Day was always anticipated by myself as much as my mother. From breakfast in bed (even through the years when the results were probably less than edible), to the frilliest cards, to a talent recital, to a wonderful dinner, we did everything to make my mom's day special. Recalling these doings still brings tears to me. My sons have seemingly dedicated their adult selves to making this a day of sorrow and pain for me. My oldest (34) hasn't sent a card in years, and will try and sneak in a 9pm call saying he hoped my day was special. My youngest (33) has moved to London, UK and can finally disavow any effort for what he has always regarded as a "Hallmark" holiday.
Each year I tell myself that I won't be laid low by their actions. Today, I made it until just past 3 before the tears started to flow. I have tried to keep my mom and her delight in her special days in my thoughts - reliving the joy we shared. Maybe next year i will make it to 4, maybe later.

Pasofinogal I really like your attitude. My son got married and we haven't spoken since. I did cry very early on and that is it. I think the sooner you get the tears out the quicker you'll have to move on. Now, I'm not saying I'm not hurt by what is happening, I'm just saying "You have to keep it moving and on to the next". My husband has tried once or twice to hurt me with it but "I have to keep it moving". I tried to tell my husband how hurtful this is to me he just simply said, "your son is the one that is missing out" and that is true but we both are missing out on each other's life experiences, joys, setbacks and things to share and pass down to future children. So I would say to other parent's out there that are having similiar experiences if you have raised your children and have done the right things by them based on what you thought was right then that's all you can do. Maybe you weren't even a great parent who's to say. You brought them here and the past is the past. I don't want to ramble on but I heard TD Jakes say this regarding forgiveness. "Not forgiving someone is like you drink the poison and thinking the other person is going to die from it." You are slowly killing yourself.

Love Jakes thank you

I feel for you...been there-done that. Turn to prayer; He helped me.

Hi here once again is my bday tomorrow. I have only one son he is 23 and lives right next door. He tries but he has some slowness to him where he doesn't always know how or remember a lot of things. I love him with everything in me. I have a worthless step son who uses and uses and uses. Finally I cut the ties and kicked everyone out of the house I paid all the bills for. He is lazy so is his wife unfortunately it was my step grandson who suffered most. My husband says he loves me however he is very verbally abusive. Not in nasty ways most times but little words that hit me the most. I made the mistake of letting him see how it hurt me once and he used that to fuel himself over and over against me. So now I secretly hide the painful hurt from his words and it stabs me in my heart everytime but I wait to find time alone or when in the bathroom to let the tears flow. I was adopted growing up I had all the family I could ever want but once my parents passed I no longer existed or mattered. I raised my son all on my own and alone. Even though I am married I am more alone than I ever was before. It hurts to be forgotten by so many I have dropped everything for, done things for, remembered them. I am not a person to cry, but even writing this i find myself crying because I guess I didn't realize how much it truly hurt to be forgotten and alone. I am a very strong person. I handle the problems of everyone and I guess just once in a while I feel a weak moment. TO everyone here who has been hurt or forgotten know that I think of those that feel that way to and wish you happy bday and or every holiday you may celebrate.

It's not about you and what's important to you. It's about your mom and dad and the people you supposedly care about. Maybe it's important to them. Saying you love someone and then acting like what they care about isn't important to you is horrible.

When they need you for something, which isn't often, you hear from them otherwise you never hear from them. I thought I was a good mother, by no means perfect, but I guess I thought wrong. Once my grandchildren were old enough to not need sitters I was no longer needed and so no longer included. My daughter in law is all about her family. They gave her father a birthday party and I didn't even get a card. They say they never call because they are to busy or the phone message I left they never got or cell phone reception is bad. Always some excuse. My eldest son used to be pretty good about atleast calling every couple weeks to say hello but that has gone away now too. I am done trying to call them or send emails. I guess this is what you get for working 2 jobs to try to give them what they needed while growing up. I guess they really don't care anymore..

I know how you feel. I fell down the steps and missed my grandson open house and 3 days later my own son hasn't even called to see how I am doing!

I feel for you as I have a similar situation. It is pretty painful and hurtful, especially when you feel you didn't do anything but good things for them.

I raised my children from the time they were 5 and 8 on my own with many years of no acknowledgement<br />
Because they were too small. Now my son is 21 and year after year I tell him I just want a card for my birthday or mother's day and he fails. This year he stood me up for mother's day brunch . They I found out he went to brunch with his father . I told him that he acts like he has no mother so his wish has been granted. Heartless as far as I am concerned. I'll just leave everything to his sister ... Funny thing is he does not have any problem taking money or gifts from me.... No more!

Tough love--I'm proud of you! You deserve better.

Good girl !! I tend to be like you, and although sometimes I wonder if I\'m being immature, I just seriously don\'t think we should roll over for this stuff.
I guess I feel more comfortable being mad than sad.
P.S. I can\'t BELIEVE he went to brunch w/ his father on Mother\'s Day &amp; left you hanging. I\'d leave everything to the sister too.

I raised mine from babies alone cz I kept choosing alcoholic men who seemed like they had a lot going for them. I had serious interference from these Dads. I went thru a lot and I yelled some. I gave my life and hard work to them. In the earlier years we went to church. I put my life aside for my first 2 grandchildren. After they could go to preschool I'm forgotten completely. My oldest and youngest will go 100-600 miles for inlaws but not 25 for me. I've cooked most all the holiday food for 6 years and transported it in my car to one of their houses. They live a mile apart . All 5 of my kids are doing over and above anything I've ever heard of for a single mom to produce. One masters degree from scholarship, another executive for international co got 2 scholarships, the others own businesses . Just 24/36 yrs old. God has blessed us . 2 live elsewhere n I want to do like the country song and drive away and keep goin

I know exactly how you feel. I was ignored for Mother's Day as well by my son ( who will soon be 27). And on my birthday, one month sooner, it wasn't until very late that night (after I was asleep so he left a message) that he called with a very short Happy Birthday wish that sounded almost as if he was forcing himself to do it. Every now and then the pain he inflicts hits me and and I cry. But then I work hard to focus on the GOOD in my life. I hope that works for you too.

I'm pretty much ingnored by my 30 something son most years. I used to get phone calls around 9 pm on Mother Day evenings. "Hi mom, did you do something special today?" I only have one child, and the whole point (I thought) was to do something special with your child(ren.) My son and his wife and their little children and her family all live in Chicago, I live in Iowa. This year, I got a voicemail around 4 pm "Hi mom, just wanted to wish you a happy Mother's Day, I hope you enjoy your day and I hope you have something special planned. Again, I don't plan anything special for my self, by self, on Mother's Day. I was really hurt this year, when I saw a photo posted on Facebook of my son and his family and his mother-in-law out to dinner....the caption "Happy Mother's Day!" My son has never taken me out to dinner for Mother's Day, or my birthday either, and I know they take the mother-in-law out for her birthday, because I have also seen those celebratory photos posted on Facebook. I have good memories on my son as a little boy, no problems, we got along great. The old saying rings true "A son's a son till he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life." He hurt me very much this year, I feel myself drawing way back from him now. I feel like I don't have a son. I'm so sorry that so many other's here have the same pain, it hurts, I know, yes I know.

I feel your pain. I am going thru the very same thing

Mother's Day was a week ago, but I am still hurt. We have two grown children - our daughter age 33 and our son age 39. Our son got angry with me last June because I wouldn't go along with him and trash our son-in-law whom I love. Our son of course ignored me on Mother's Day - not even a simple card. My husband's birthday was two days before Mother's Day and he got a lovely card signed by my son, daughter-in-law and the two grandkids with a cute picture drawn by the youngest. My husband is angry at our son and has refused to acknowledge his birthday card because I was ignored. Our daughter-in-law has no backbone whatsoever and does everything her husband tells her to including not having any contact with me. Last year I e-mailed her three times and left several voice mails asking for ideas for the kids for their birthdays in November and Christmas. I was completely ignored and finally gave up. I shopped for and sent gifts for their two children because they shouldn't be punished because their parents are petty and spiteful. I've accepted the situation and decided I cannot change it. I don't think our son and daughter-in-law realize that their kids are losing out also. Fortunately our daughter and son-in-law not only allow, but encourage, unlimited access to their two children. We are very close and we have a wonderful relationship with our two younger grandchildren. We enjoy every minute we get to spend with them and our daughter and son-in-law have gone out of their way to make sure their children know us and spend time with us and their great-grandmother, something I will always appreciate. I guess a relationship with two out of four grandchildren is better than none. I wouldn't dream of treating my mother - or my mother-in-law when she was alive - with such disrespect. We did not teach our son this behavior, but unfortunately his children may learn it from him.

Ok, I'll vent too. I have three sons; two of which are step-sons, but I love them all the same. I received phone calls from both step-sons that day. No card, but that's OK. My 26 year old son who lives 2500 miles away and makes more money than his father and I combined (and who I KNOW was reminded by his father over a week beforehand) called me in the afternoon on my cell phone. He told me I was "breaking up" and he would call me back in a couple of hours. After 4 hours went by I decided to call him. He was going to get around to it -- really (ha!) and I ended up forcing him into saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me. I've never done that before, but I had it up to here with him forgetting birthdays and any other special occasion. I thought I raised him better, but apparently that expensive school we sent him to changed him into this uncaring selfish jerk. <br />
<br />
You know what? I'm with you pasofinogal! I'm gonna treat myself the way I deserve to be treated. I feel better all ready!!!

My daughter had me babysit her 3 kids on Mother's Day so she could take her MIL to the spa! She did bring me a card and gift in the morning when dropping off her 3 kids at 8:30 am. She stayed for about 2 minutes! They then got home late at 7:30 pm. To make it even sting more she gathered up kids so they all could go out to dinner where they were meeting my SIL, while my husband and I were not even asked to go! This is how I was treated for Mother's Day! The little ones adore me but they are taught to show me disrespect the <br />
same way their parents do as they are made to open doors for the MIL while not being asked to thank me for watching and playing with them all day, feeding them non stop, and teaching 1 to ride her bicycle. It hurts. Am I being petty? I don't want to be small minded but what are my daughter and SIL thinking??!! This too after I loaned these 2 $13,000 7 months ago to save their home, cars, catch up on bills and a stint in rehab! They are paying me back but it still is apparent they'll take advantage if me!

Oh dear.
As Dr. Phil used to say, back when I used to watch it, \"We teach people how to treat us.\"
The mother in law demands certain treatment, so she gets it.
If you pull the plug on this behavior, they\'ll be surprised, but things will change.

Well, I guess being able to say "me too" is healing. Reading the posts here has made me feel less alone. All of your stories, while completely different, have the common thread that binds us together - ungrateful, selfish, unloving offspring. <br />
<br />
Thank you for sharing the truth, ladies. As the saying goes, 'the truth will set you free' so I am going to fling off the sadness from being shunned by the child I love and focus my energy, my money, and my time where it will bear fruit - and the first place to start is with taking care of and loving my self. No more martyr's crown for me! I'm not doing any more time in this prison of guilt and sadness. Open those doors, momma has been set free!

Yes, at least we aren't alone but it is so hard to quit loving and nurting their heartless, possibly sociopathic souls. No more groceries he likes, no more presents, inwill be just as cold and heartless as he is.

Yes, there is a certain comfort in seeing that you\'re not the only one.
After reading a few of these,
I feel as though I have relatively little to complain about ! But I\'m still displeased w/ the paltry birthday attention from my younger son (21) and being who I am, I definitely let him know.

I was a single mom, met a man at work who was a much older single dad and we dated a bit. My three sons' father turned out to be gay, chose never to see them after we divorced and I felt horrible for them. One day they said they wanted this nice man for a dad, so I thought, why not? They were 11, 7 and 3 years old at the time and we had a very difficult time living on just my salary. This man and I talked and thought we could offer our 6 combined children a better life; he claimed to love me but we both knew it was a formality.<br />
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His children were much older and my life was hell. They put me through things I never dreamed I could manage, but I was as understanding and supportive as I knew how and got them through horrific things to adulthood, then put two through college signing all the parental loans. They've always despised me - I was unaware that their parents had continued living in the same house after divorce until he decided to marry me so the kids were clueless.<br />
<br />
I discovered that my husband's mother was unfaithful to his dying father when he was a boy and that his first wife was unfaithful for about 15 years. He hates women and was so cruel to me I fell ill with lupus from the stress. Could no longer work at the same federal subsidiary that my husband did and I hadn't been there long enough for retirement. <br />
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My kids were gone soon after that time, they were nearly grown by the time I couldn't work. They've never known the emotional abuse I suffered from both this man's mother and his daughter, that I lived in Phoenix but couldn't possibly stay because lupus and sun/heat are deadly. My doctors told my husband to relocate with me and he refused. I moved to a small travel trailer in a town about 2 hours north and did the best I could - alone.<br />
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I finally got the courage to divorce this man after nearly 26 years when I found out that I own half of his government pension. I'm able to live on my own now, very simply. It was amazing how much healthier I can be once the stress was gone - but my three sons have now turned their backs on me. Haven't heard a word. I moved back to CO so I could be near them but they refuse to see me or talk to me or text me. I don't know why. They had invited me to their home (two married live together for economic reasons) all last summer and it was beautiful. I stayed with and supported my middle son and his wife after he'd been wounded in Iraq in 2007/2008 - paid all their bills with money I made from selling my tiny home and moving into my now ex husband's house again. I cannot believe this son at least didn't call me.<br />
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I think my ex must have been saying something to them. They've known we've lived apart all these years, I obtained a legal separation in 2008 when he retired but couldn't divorce because I needed his health insurance and houseroom. Now I am able to divorce him and live very simply - then I ran into an old friend at my 40th high school reunion last August while staying with my sons - and fell in love for the first time in my life. <br />
<br />
I'm happy, they're angry all of a sudden and today was the most painful day of my life. Just 8 months ago we were barbequing and laughing together and now they hate me? I've told my ex I won't touch his retirement because if I claim my half, then die before he does he never gets the remainder back. If he gives me a more modest amount as maintenance he keeps his entire check - and it's a good one. He has a $40,000 truck and a gorgeous home in the mountains that I worked hard on during 2000-2007 while he let his parents live there. I have a pittance to try to live on and I'm still happier than I've been in my life.

Ah yes, another Mother's Day ignored and soon another birthday. My son is going on 45. Married 3 times, has 3 children (2 of them HE has nothing to do with) one living with him probably because he is mentally challenged. My son's mother-in-law also lives with them. I have always gotten the crappy end of the stick with my son. His father and 3 year old sister died in a fire when he was 6 and in school and I was at work. I know he blames me for this and will probably take this to both of our graves. I tried to give him a good childhood and thought I did the best for him...obviously not! Yes, it does hurt but I stopped caring about the why's and should of and could of's. This is HIS choice and he can keep treating me like this because I am done. It was much harder for me when he was younger and couldn't find any time for me. I would have been happy with just a phone call. So now I wonder how does my son feel on Father's Day when his 2 daughters (20 and 23) feel when they don't call....KARMA, sweet KARMA......HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY LADIES...LOVE YOURSELVES

My oldest son got married 2years ago to to his wife and her 3 children I am not well and they had me babysitting without any money been paid to me and was told the rules in the house were for the 6and 5 year old not the the 10 yr old everything was going ok and then I fell and broke my ankle and she got mad at me and wouldnt talk to me and told me that if her 10yr old wanted to go out at dark she could and walk around I said ok and said it was time they looked for a new babysitter as I was going in for surgery well that pissed her off even more so they wouldnt talk to me it hurts as I have cancer and miss my son so much again they came and ask me to babysit and I gave in again they said I would have to pick up the 5 yr old from school I said ok and I ask if anyone else would be coming home at lunch they said no so one day I pick up some treats for the little one and we had a day planned the 10 yr old came home at lunch and I called my son and ask whats going on he told her to go back to school she said no and then she saw what the little one had for lunch and flipped out tell me how bad I was and I told her not to be rude and she was jealous she turned around and said it was my last day and to cool my attiude as she is leaving I told her she was going to her room when she got home from school and staying they until my son got home she said whatever when she came home I sent her to her room I went to the bathroom and she took off down the street and I couldnt find her called my son he said get out they looking I said I was j came home and told me what a failer i was as her princess wouldnt do this unless i made her and I would never see or speak to my son again my husband came and was searching the streets we found her at her friends I was told to give them the key back to they house and to get lost and how I was a rotten mother my birthday has come and gone now its mothers day and nothing

Sad. I only came across this because 2 of my cousins do the exact same thing to their mother/my aunt every year. These are adult men around 40 years old, with houses and what not. These 2 ignorant pigs refuse to empathize with what their *single* mother went through trying to raise them and hold 2 jobs. While she would not deserve praise, she tried. <br />
I am mom and dad had me at 32 and 38 respectively. Looking where I am in maturity at my age, and picture trying to raise a kid on top of it. It really makes you appreciate the monumental effort put forth, no matter how badly it ended up.<br />
Don't take it personal any mothers out there, your adult sons havejust not tried to empathized.

It is depressing and infuriating at the same time. My son ignores my birthday and Mother's day.<br />
I feel the sting behind my eyes. <br />
Oh two years ago I said (when he was going over his girlfriends house to go out to dinner with her mother and grandmother (WTF???) "you are a grown man and you do what you want, but I think it is wrong for you to not spend mothers day with your mother and grandmother and go over someone else's home" ---he stayed home and had lunch with us that year, but apparently, needs another reminder.<br />
I hate the thought that years from now he will call me and tell me all the nice things he does for his wife while he ignores his own mother, good gravy, I think the American Mother's Committee needs to re-advertise Mother's Day. <br />
Do they not know that their Mom will give them as much as we can? But eh, not so much now.

Like many of you, my adult children ignore mother's day. One or two may (or may not call), but no cards or gifts. One of my sons actually spent the entire time that he called me on mother's day telling me all the wonderful things he and my grandsons did for his wife (I live in another state). I'm thinking, ok, but could you maybe have found a card for me? He's 40, a successful doctor. My daughter, who's 36, struggles financially (she has health issues) and I have sent a check to help her with her rent every month for nine years -- she might remember to call, or not, and certainly nothing so dramatic as a card. The other one, I won't hear from. I was a good, not perfect mom; I know this, but now I wonder, what was the point? You can't tell me they "forgot." The media makes sure NO one forgets.

It's a few days before Mother's Day and my daughter has emailed me that she and my son will not be spending it with me. On the plus side, she did acknowledge this beforehand and she did tell me they would like to take me out some other time for it. The negative side is that I feel that I am not a priority. I haven't spoke to my son in a week or so. He is at college and had finals this past week. However, he came back to our town this past weekend to spend the weekend with his friend who was celebrating a birthday. I did not see him. His finals are now over and my daughter is telling me he has something going on in his college town so he can't make it. What could that be? And HER reason? Her old roommate is in town to go on a trip for a couple of days with her mother and grandmother. Her exroommate will be back from the trip on Sunday so my daughter will be spending Mother's Day with her old roommate and most likely, her roommate's mother at her mother's house. (My daughter does not live with me so I only see her a couple of times a month at the most). Also, to boot, my father passed 2 years ago and I know my mother enjoys us all getting together more than anything. I cannot ever remember a mother's day that I did not spend with my mom, and I am 48 yrs old. I will be with my mom, along with my brother and sister's family. MIA-My children. What hurts even more is that I am quite certain that my children would not ever spend a Father's Day without celebrating it with my ex-husband. How do I get my children to understand that this is important to me without attempting to "guilt" them into it?

This year I won't spend Mother's Day with my son. As was the case last year, my DIL invited us to come to church to see our grand child dedicated, but told us they wouldn't have much time to spend with us, as they are going to her parent's home for a family get together. They live blocks away and see them frequently, along with the rest of her family, all in the same small town she grew up in. We live 2 hours from them. This means a 4-hour car ride, to spend a short time after church on mother's day, when I could spend time with my three daughters who live close by. Not much of a choice. I declined, and explained we would rather come when they have more time for us. However, like the poster above said, I can choose my feelings. I will celebrate Mother's Day with them another day. What cheers me up most is wishing happy Mother's Day to all the moms I come in contact with. You won't believe how much it boosts your spirits! I love to hear it, and I love to say it.

I am 65 years old and have 3 grown sons that are married,living just a few miles from me,one son has been divorced twice and can't get his life together,I remember getting about 2 Birthday cards from him,he is 41 and chooses to live like a bum on the streets,my husband and I have been married for almost 46 years and have provided for all their needs and a lot of wants,all 3 decided to drop out of school and were hell raisers,at times I thought my husband and I would lose our minds,the oldest son has been married for 22 years and we can always count on Christmas to getting a $10 Walmart card handed to us and maybe remember my birthday and mother's day,this year we get a message 2 days after my Birthday ,Mom I forgot your Birthday.I will bet his wife's mother is never forgotten. I don't know why adult children do things like this,they know better,my youngest son would probably do the same thing if it were not for his thoughtful wife,she remembers mine and my husband's special days. I can honestly say there was never a year that I forgot anyone's Birthday or special occasion,it's like branded in my mind. My youngest children were invited to a cookout this year,but my oldest son was conveniently forgotten,maybe it will ring a bell and he will think about how he and his thoughtless wife will try to get their act together in the future.If we all had a crystal ball to look into the future,it would be a smaller world for sure. I think Adult children think they have a sense of entitlement and want to start at the top with their parents credit cards in hand. A mother of very selfish adult children!

I have the same pain. This helped me. It was a FaceBook post from a distant friend.<br />
<br />
Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you<br />
in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who<br />
would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.

You sound like a very loving and wonderful mother to me....Happy Belated Mothers Day to you! I'm sure that it's the idea that he did it on purpose that really hurts. But it 's possible that the day just snuck up on him. He may not have realized it was Mothers Day until it was too late to send a card, or he might have been too broke and strapped for funds to get you a gift. Anyway, a lot of grown sons are forgetful like that.....mine is!

I too have been intentionally ignored by my teenage daughter on mother's day. The entire extended family went out for dinner to celebrate and she refused to come thinking it would upset me. But actually, the tables turned on her! Instead of the entire family wondering what *I* could have possibly done to deserve such treatment, they turned on *HER* and felt empathy towards me instead. They now finally believe what I have been telling them for years - that this kid is a demon seed - stealing from her parents, sneaking around hotel rooms with lesbians she meets in chat rooms, smoking dope. In my mind....good riddance. This kid is a waste of perfectly good air space and the sooner she is gone from my life the better....only 34 more days till she has her high school diploma and then I can kick her ugly fat dyke *** to the curb and pretend she's dead for the rest of my life. Is it possible for a mother to hate a child.....yes...and I can swear to that in spades.

My teenage daughter feels everyone is against her and she leads a miserable existence. This despite being loved and well- cared for. She has now convinced herself she's abused! She's gone to stay with her friend's family and I'm sure has no intention of calling me tomorrow (on Mother's Day) . It breaks my heart that the little girl I loved so much and have taken such good care of has turned outnlike this. Thank goodness I have her little brother, who is full of love and sweetness. It's embarrassing that she's behaving like this and I miss the daughter I used to have. Just really sad. I hate Mother's Day!!! It was awfulnwhen I was married ( and ex couldn't bear the focus being off him), and it's not much better now.

I have two grown sons in their late 30's. One of my DIL once told me, "You had Your Mother's Days when your sons were young. Now it is my turn to be treated to a wonderful day." I get a phone call (sometimes)about 10pm on Mother's Day so it can't be said they didn't remember. I give both my DIL Mother's day cards and gifts every year and thank them for my beautiful greandchildren. I am always there to support and help them in anyway I can and drop what I am doing to go running if they need me. Every Mother's Day I just want to crawl in a hole. I talked to both my sons and they told me they have so much preasure to make their wives happy on Mother's Day and they know I will understand. Well it hurts. That is what I understand. It is comforting to know I am not alone. We should plan a Non Mother's Day Spa Retreat for next Mother's Day

I agree...."keep my number" cuz I am IN!

I, too, have a son who I was extremely close with. He is 28 and got married when he was 18 to a woman that if you don't do what she wants when she wants, I do not get to see my grandsons. The last time this happened I called his work to wish him Happy Birthday since they both ignore me. Well, he is a police officer....yeah, a police officer, you know the ones that are supposed to be upholding in the community...well, when his sargeant got hold of him, all of a sudden he wanted to be again, he is not speaking to me after Xmas of course.....makes me sick, but I am going to go on and be happy with my life.....maybe one day they will feel what I feel...he has three of them will do to them what they have done to me.....

This is the third year that my eldest son has "forgotten" both mother's day and my birthday and this year my youngest has forgotten too. I feel totally sick. My husband is very angry with them both but I just feel dejected.

\"Forget\" their birthdays. ; )

I wish I had never had my two kids.

i was not forgotten, but ignored. My mother and sister live in the house with me and my 15 year old son. On mothers day, my mother got her gifts, got her hugs, and I did not even get a "happy mothers day" I had asked for no gifts, all i wanted was a clean kitchen and a dinner i did not have to cook or pick up myself. My sister agreed that she would co-ordinate this, as I bought the gift for our mother and signed both names to it. At 8 pm i finally went out and picked up, and paid for dinner by myself, and found out that my son had gone out for dinner with friends. My son and i are extremely close, i cannot get over the callousness, my sister thought the whole thing was very funny, and that I was selfish for being upset.

I too was "forgotten" by my tow older sons 20 & 23. It was intentional as the last time they visited me the older one was Very disrespectful and I told him "If you want to talk to me like a strange man not my son than as a man no one talks to me in my home that way is welcome " Being brothers and the 23 yr. old visiting from out of state they both left.<br />
It was not a surprise but it really hurt just the same. My own mother tells me "Honey it is NOT you, It IS Them. Give them some time to grow up.<br />
That is what I am going to do. I did give the credit card of the younger son his "correct " address so he cannot hide from them though. And the other one I sent back a mother and child necklace he gave to me years ago. I told them I was not going to be sad and blue anymore from being shut out of their lives but be happy and enjoy my life. I have two younger boys at home 14 &13 and they were wonderful to me.I told them I will always love and wish them the best but enough is enough. They sent a message by not acknowleging me on mothers day and that was my message.

As another "Forgotten Mother" on Mother's Day, I decided that since I choose my feelings, I choose to not be hurt. My daughter too will come with reasons to why she "forgets" me (a mother herself). <br />
Whatever her reason is, and even if she does it to deliberate hurt me, I am fine... knowing I was a good mother and she has always been the most important person in my life.<br />
Soon it's her birthday, which is even more precious to me, remembering that beautiful little girl born then 39 years ago. I really felt I could never love anything more than her. Those memories I treasure... forever.

TDear Jerzee. None of us are perfect. We do the best we can as Mothers. You are fortunate that you two unselfish children. By the way - from one Mom to another - a belated Happy Mothers Day! ype your comment here...

I have 3 kids -- a daughter and two sons. I never heard from my middle son on mothers day. We were close when he was a kid and we had some problems while he was a teen which have continued into young adulthood (he's 20). He is one of those kids who thinks he deserves everything on a silver platter and gets mad when he doesn't get it. He's 20 and plenty old enough to start making the effort to take care of himself. I know I wasn't the best mother in the world, but I do love him very much and tried to make up for it as best as I can for him. But now I'm very hurt. I am fortunate, though, that my other 2 kids did celebrate mothers day with me. I just wish that this one was there too.

Dear fogotten, <br />
I have too been forgotten by both my adult sons. Last year, I finally told both of them that this upset me after years of neglect. Guess they didn't listen or care. It hurts, but I was a good mother and still am. So I continue on without acknowledgement. Maybe I will rewrite my will...leave it all to those unfortunate children. Perhaps a village school in Africa?

Amen to that sister!

My 19 year old son ignored me too. I think that might be a good thing to do. We are all we have so I cannot understand how he can be so cold and selfish! It really hurts and guess i raised a real ***.

He also lives with me and doesn't work and goes to college part time. What is it with him??? We get aling but he is so spoiled I guess.

After dealing with my sons hurt without guilt I took my son off off everything...OH I'll leave him a little with the comment "I think you understand why" If I cant be your mother in life then I cant be your mother in death. It hurts but u have to move on.

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What happens on your birthday? Being a son myself I have to say that Mothers'/Fathers' Day don't register very high on my calendar (couldn't even tell you off the top of my head what date it's on). I love my parents, and I'll usually call or send a card but a combination of (a) never getting the impression from my parents that they care very much about those days, (b) poor memory for dates (supposedly very common among guys, and I'm pretty disorganised at the best of times), and (c) an unfortunate tendency to take my parents for granted (having only been away from home for the last couple of years), I don't tend to make a big deal about it. I think may have even forgotten about it once or twice. I'd suggest you make sure your son knows it matters to you, and I wouldn't necessarily assume he doesn't care just because he missed it. Having said that, if it was deliberate, it's a cruel and childish thing for him to have done.

It just happened to me today. First time was last year when my daughter did it to me, now this year both son AND daughter have done it. It makes me want to die. <br />
<br />
We were extremely close when they were growing up and then it is like they just went to hell in a handbasket. It's unfathomable.