I am free of loneliness. I came into this world alone and I will exit alone. When I was born neither one of my parents wanted me and if they did--they didn't know how to show it. My mother only told me that she loved me three times in my life so far, and my father did say it more, but only starting when I was thirteen and that's a long story. I grew up always watching my back and studying human behavior in attempts to avoid the next ATTACK from my stepfather and mother. When I was younger I had a sense of loneliness but after enough trauma I changed my thoughts on that. I came into the realization of my lack of loneliness months ago when I was taking a bath about 6 a.m. and the power went out for about 10 minutes. I didn't frighten--I embraced the darkness. I laid submerged in the water using all my senses imagining what life would be like if I was to die and go into a dark void. It was still comfortable to me. It was the thought of safe isolation that comforted me. Call it crazy I guess, but when you have lived a life like mine and you have been conditioned like me--sometimes loneliness is a gift and not a curse.
PROprium PROprium
31-35, F
Jul 12, 2010