Acquaintances Never Turn To Friends

I have always had different sets of friends but they have never stayed...its like situational, school, etc but never a true friend. Someone I could call on if I ever needed anything. No one who has lasted past the actual "situation". I spend so much time talking with myself since I have no one to talk to. It makes me feel crazy...I have a cell phone I pay 100 bucks a month for to talk to my sister and parents for like 5 minutes a week. No one else even really knows I exist. I always wonder what kind of horrible person I must be that I don't deserve 1 friend.
diamantsr4ever diamantsr4ever
26-30, F
2 Responses Nov 30, 2012

diamantsr4ever I can only say I know that feeling all too well. It hurts.... it hurts down to my very core.

I feel the exact same way. People come, people go. No one stays...I'm loyal and devoted... I don't get it. I've beaten myself up so many times... what did I do wrong, is it me? What's wrong with me, am I that repulsive? Why don't I ever get "adopted" by other people?... I also went through the phase when it was everyone else and not me... but that didn't help either, just got worse. I had boyfriends, but they can't be your only friend.. that's just not right or fair for them... I became a workaholic, but burnt out + severe depression. I went back to school, but can't seem to approach people. I've been told I am intense: I mean, I'm an ecologist, I study in environmental geography, I'm almost a vegetarian by principle, I love earth... and am deceived at what we are doing to it, and each other. I don't see boarders, races, I just see people, wanting to be happy, fulfilled, and have the right to a good life and an earth that we're just destroying, raping...... People are very individualistic and I always seem to see behind simple things, on more levels, repercussions of actions, etc... People don't like that I guess, but that's what I find is wrong with the world.. and I guess they don't like being around me for that reason?.... I don't know... I try my best to live with honor, to do good, to help those in need, to find solutions, to do my part.... I don't even ask for anything in return, except for respect... I don't get it.... How can people want to discourage me in that?... I feel very lonely and discouraged.