Life With Loneliness!!!

I have an unhappy family where my father is a chronic gambler, always borrow loan shark, and we forced to pay for his debt. We are poor and always have to borrow money from the relatives of my mother side to pay his debt.

He never change, even he always promise to. Besides, he also a **** movie addict.
He so call 'father', only know how to bully us, hit n punch us. NEVER care about us!!! He never left any money for us to pursue our study, even if i able to get flying colour in exam.

At school, I have no real, true friend, no matter how nice i treat the person. Once I saw a girl who is my classmate wait at bus stop for such a long time, then i decide to fetch her back with me daily - FREE OF CHARGE. I sincerely treated her as my best friend. One day , i was sick and couldn't go school so i ask her help me to submit the homework which important as its got bring carry mark to the final exam. After three months, everyone gets back the work, except me. I wonder why.Thus, i ask my friend and see , and she told me that she forgot to pass up mine but she did remember to pass up hers. If i dun ask, i will never find out the truth.

Besides, i am one of the top students in my school and perhaps this makes some people jealous of me and backstabbing me. What out of my expectation is
my best friend is the head of those gossip. She jealous I score better than her in academic and she fight with me for the ajk post in club by spreading bad and fake info of me.

She seem so 'pity ' that always cry in front of people, and everyone do believe her and stand by her side.On the other hand, I just have to keep all the sadness and disappointment in my heart, and sometimes sad until cry out alone in the toilet , so that no one know it. After crying, i have to pretend nothing happen the next day, and continue my study.

I totally stress up and collapse as facing financial problem in family and i was always study hard and just hoping can get scholarship to continue my study. At the same time, i have to hear all those nonsense gossip in school that make my heart break.'Commit suicide' appear in my mind many times before but I still haven't do it.Perhaps, my courageous is still not enough .


Now, finally, God bless me that i can enter university by getting a scholarship but I can't get the course I want ( dentistry) as it is too competitive, even i get all A's.My father jealous of me as i can enter university and pursue my dream.
I want to shift to dentistry but cannot, unless i study in private university but i can't find any scholarship for that and my family can't afford me to study that course in private university

I now in depression as i forced to study something that is out of my dream and the housemate of mine in university bully me. I severely suffered psychologically and mentally as well. I now sick everyday and continue taking medicine.

I just hope i can have a better life one day, but don't know why i feel like this day will never come.>.<
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 9, 2013