People are rude, selfish and in denial

I have had no friends for most of my life. I share many of the feelings of depression and bitterness, which are unhealthy.

It's been a very lonely life, and it's very difficult to make friends.

What infuriates me is that, unlike others, I try very hard to make friends. I talk to people, ask them about themselves, without being too personal or prying. I have gone around introducing myself to neighbors. I have tried many types of volunteer work and classes. I've given my phone number and e-mail to people. I've suggested things to do. It's all for naught.

Does anyone ever ask about me? Does anyone show any interest in who I am? NEVERNEVERNEVER.

People don't want to acknowledge their reasons for rejecting me, preferring instead to put the blame on me. People don't want to acknowledge their own biases. It's a selfish, narcissistic society, and I've had it.

diredepths diredepths
46-50, F
11 Responses Feb 9, 2009

Try keeping pets. They give you really good company. They make better friends than most humans.

I can fully relate to you, titanis, as I am in very similar situation as yourself, although younger - I'm 25 and I have no "friends" either. The problem with making and keeping "friends" for some people, like us, is that we tend to lack the "social abilities" in relating to others; that is, the "social abilities" that allow us to relate to others at a "subconscious" level, which naturally "attracts" others to us. But most people (like us) that lack said "social abilities" tend to "repel" rather than "attract" others to us because to others we appear almost "alien" - we are so different in our communication methods (both verbal and non-verbal) and this tends to achieve the opposite- we find it very difficult to develop friendships/relationships with people in general. Although sadly we are not usually aware of this and go through life thinking we are "unlikable", when in fact we just haven't developed the "social abilities" that others have as quickly or effectively. We also tend to "chase" people, rather than "attract" them to us; we try very hard to gain the approval and acceptance of others, by being extra "nice" and doing them favours, when we notice others are not relating to us in the ways that we want. This "chasing" effect tends to "repel" other from us; in other words, make them more distant towards us, rather than bringing them closer to us.<br />
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I have also struggled to develop and maintain friendships/relationships with others throughout my entire life; I also had no real friends, during my elementary/middle/high school or university years, and as a result, I had become emotionally and socially withdrawn from people in general. I would not attend parties/social gatherings in university and would often prefer to stay at home and play video games, listen to music, read books than socialise. I still currently have no real friends, but have recently decided to make a conscious and continuous effort to develop my social skills and practice them so that I will succeed in making friends and succeed in future romantic relationships (my first ever relationship ended after 2 years of lacking the social skills to maintain it). It turns out I have Asperger's Syndrome and this is one of the reasons I have lacked the social skills that others my own age have (and whom have friends). But I realised it is a social deficiency that can be improved with both more knowledge and practise, like pretty much anything in life.<br />
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I graduated two years ago from University and consider myself to be an intelligent/educated individual in academic terms, but have always lack the social intelligence that others possess that allows them to successfully interact with and "attract" people to them and develop/maintain long-lasting friendships/relationships with people. In order to succeed more in building friendships/relationships with others, we have to learn the "social abilities" that allow us to "attract" others to us, and not have to "chase" them - people run from that which chases them, but the opposite appears to be the case. Those who succeed in making/keeping friends have a natural/innate competency (usually developed from a younger age than us) with the "social abilities" that "attract" people to them. These social skills include gaining rapport; this is achieved by subconsciously reading and mirroring the non-verbal communication of others, like facial ex<x>pressions, eye contact and body language. Another important skill in relating to others is "effective listening" and "empathy". Rapport is also achieved by establishing similarity in people- we tend to be attracted to people who have more in common with us, such as similar interests, views/opinions, beliefs etc. In short, the more "rapport" we have with people and the more we have in common with people, the more we subconsciously become "attracted" to them. <br />
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I recommend you read the following books to learn the social skills mentioned above and then practise them to become a more social being <br />
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"How to win friends and Influence people" by Dale Carnegie<br />
"How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes<br />
"Intimate Connections" by David Burns<br />
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I hope I managed to give you some insight, hope and inspiration that you are not alone and that nothing is "wrong" with you- you just need to improve this aspect of your life.

Well, I know how you feel. People say to join a church group, take classes, a hobby, etc. What good does that do? Alot of people rejected me, too. I have reached too but I got the door in my face. I am there for them but I get the door slammed in my face. I am lonely too. I have NO friends what so ever. I hope we can keep in touch

i can`t say that i don`t have friends but i had same situation where i realized that you show your interest and people do not do it in response...but you know that friends can not be many there could be companions with whom you go out and drink,dance etc but friends are a few people you can share your deep feelings with...MUTUALLY!

According to me all people are selfish , and it is vary difficult for me to beleave at somebody..

Look at people around you.Those that seem popular seem to attract people to them effortlessly where ever they go.Partly aura,and part having an attitude shared by many,a common denominator.I think the goalposts have moved in the last 10 years in particular,the common denominator is now seedier,a mixture of spite,self interest+the NEED to be in an accepted group,to be included.To be considered as a member,you have to exhibit the tell tale signs easily recognised amongst the type.The problem could be that most people whose comments i"ve read here seem good pleasant people,willing to make the effort+open to response.Why should they change this and become something other than what they really are?I would rather have a friendship with them than the other group.Perhaps the reason they struggle in this is because they are much more a minority than at any other time,its become harder to find others who are nice people.People may need to feel they belong to a group because they are insecure and/or scared,which does not sem the case here.Its just others are prepared to become what ever it takes.Who are the more genuine+worthwhile?Those that are alone.A sign of the times.

I am too in the same boat. :-(

Im really sorry to hear bout your story . im actually quite lonely. I have a bunch of friends and i have a caring family. But i see myself slowly slipping away , more and more friends leaving me slowly. Because in the past i was always really gloomy cos i was isolated by my classmates and i kept making the wrong mistakes all over again and kept hurting people. i feel that i cant change myself and feel trapped. But i think i want to keep trying and try stepping out of my comfort zone more and talking to people more.Lol.So erm ..do you want to be friends with me?

I have been lonley all of my life. I turned to alcohol to ease the emptiness. Iam ashamed because I know that thats not normal and I'm not normal. My family refers to me as antisocial and that hurts. I think I'm afraid of regection. Recently, I begain to put my trust in god because I dont know what else to do. I can see myself getting stronger.

Me too. I'm married yet sit here all alone with no clue where my husband is. My boss got mad at me again today because I can't talk to people and refused to participate in an interview. I've always had just one close friend and now none. It's like there's just no where in the world for me. I just don't belong here.

I'm like you. I've had a few friends in my life but most of it I have spent alone. I'm terribly shy and it's hard for me to make friends. At this point in my life I have no friends. It's really lonely. I feel for you.