I Am Frightened

For a long time now I've been feeling ill I am tired all the time I ache all over so I go to my Doctor and have had loads of tests spend days in the hospital. So now by this time I've had so many guesses such as Diabetes MS ME now they want me to have bone marrow extraction to look to see if I have Leukemia and now I am so frightened I try to make jokes but if I'm honest I'm terrified. I don't want to die I have had cardial problems since I was 18 but I've always pretended it doesn't exist now I'm faced with the possibility of Leukemia and all the things that come with it such as kemo and radio therapy and I finally see my own mortality in a different light I worry for my kids who will have them if I die. I'm frightened whats  the future holds and now I want to live more  than ever. I have began to pray for guidance I wish I knew the future so I could plan things.

purplepaws purplepaws
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 16, 2009

god, cat i don't know what to say. just remember that all of your ep friends are here for you and sending good wishes your way and positive thoughts.

thank you so much I had to say what I was thinking.

Oh Sweetie, My prayers are with you every step of the way. I wish I could take all your pain and fears away. I care very much about you!!!!! Love, WarriorMom