I Am Nothing - In Critical Situation Where Everything Wraps Itself In Confusion

Today, I am facing the most critical situation in my life, I have seen various things that makes me.... what I dont know. From where could I start its a bit difficult for me. Ok lets start

I was continuously late in my office which my boss told as a habituated late and he also told that, I have not the mental strength to be sincere. I have been a asst. trainer of a software engineering course on .NET for 6 months, since I have started my job as a asst. trainer, also I am working under the lead trainer of the same course who is a experienced person and of-course he is my boss, but I failed to prove myself infront of him though I believed myself as a confident person, but today I am feeling that I actually am nothing.

Since I have started this job as a fresher, A girl fall in love with me, she was fallen like crazy and convinced me to love her, I failed to distract her from loving me and sometimes later I found myself deeply in love with her,she had a boy-friend now whom she want to ignore not for me for his behavior,but she is unable to do that now. suddenly I found that actually that girl had a court-marriage with her boyfriend without acknowledging anything to her family without thinking anything, the boyfriend actually one day came with a paper to make her signature on that paper, and she then knew that they are married. now the beats her with his word and with his hand, the girl decided to suicide in that moment she found me and my spirit and company inspired her to be alive and she fallen in my love forgetting that she is in a cage with a paper, even she has no document of her marriage, the boy-friend continuously tells her not to divorce, he made the girl as a slave of a paper as she couldn't divorce him without the paper, she also did not tell her family about the marriage, and in our culture it is very difficult for a girl to tell her family that she got married without their acknowledge now she is in a grave fear that her boy-friend would make a chaos in her family and she will be separated from everything, I know the girl really loves me but I dont know how I could free her from the boy, from the situation, as she has no documents and the boy will not give the marriage document to her now. sometimes the girl my love cries and tells me please ****** from everything. Knowing everything I could not let her go or left her cause I am the person with relying whom she is alive with a mild hope, that someday she will be free and will be with me till death, I also want this....

I wanted to go to abroad for my masters degree in computer science which needed higher effort and study and concentration, but with this job it is not possible to study that much with concentration. If I left the job I have to survive to study that is a bit difficult.

With this situation I am continuing my job which is my first job, My boss is a very dynamic person, he saw some enthusiasm some enormous spirit in me so he picked me as a assistant who will work with him as a proactive person with software development and training, but I could not prove myself, now he thinks that I have no potential to be with him, to be with training cause I am continuously late 5 or 10 minutes with schedule, He scold me today beyond his limit, he straightly told that I have no efficiency and I should not continue training and job with him, He told me to find job in another software firm, the fact is I dont think I have less potential and I cannot find job in another firm but I am feeling actually I am nothing, I cannot concentrate to anything I always tensed with the girl who is in hope and that I will be with her without me she will suicide or live a life of hopeless,and also my career which i am seeing diminishing infront of my eyes.

Now I am a situation like am in a desert nothing is beside me I am the hell alone, I am feeling like I am a dead-alive, a biochemical robot who cannot feel anything.
shirajulmamun shirajulmamun
22-25, M
Sep 5, 2012