I'm Very Frustrated About Self Sabotaging!!

I have such an awful habit of purposely ruining any chance I have of success and happiness. It is so deep down within my subconcious that I don't realize I'm doing it until it's too late. Like-not succeeding within a career. I think being told how stupid I was when I was little, and in my early 20s just sank into my beliefs about myself...and although I know I'm not "stupid"... I have challenges thinking sometimes..almost more like ADD...I just can't process all my thoughts clearly at times....I don't think it means I'm unintelligent though.

I do the same thing with relationships. I've been married and divorced and 4 times. Uggh. And have 2 beautiful children that have paid the terrible price of 2 two of those unsuccesful marriages.

I know God loves me,and I love Him. I know he wants to me to be content and to succeed - ultimately for His purpose, not mine. I guess sometimes I get selfish and I think that is part of what ruins alot of things for me. I hate it when my mind gets greedy, and I think I'm all that matters....it's so gross and honestly-unsatisfying. The best thing I can do is to go out and help someone in need, or someone who is in trouble-and needs some love and attention.

There we go-there's a part of an answer to frustration. Get over myself, and whatever it is I'm not getting.....and let go, and freakin stop taking everthing so seriously.

Things are going to work out as they should, in it's time. It's like that awesome prayer that has helped me so many times:

God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
- the courage to change the things I can
- and the ability to know the difference.
lagirl39 lagirl39
36-40, F
Sep 25, 2012