I Don't Know What I Am.

This is my first time telling anybody this and I really don't know where to begin. i suppose it's best to just start from the beginning.

My sophomore year in High School I met this girl online and we began talking on a day by day basis. Our conversations were amazing. We could talk for hours at a time and it would never get dull. There was just one problem. While talking to this girl I pretended I was a man. All my life I've had male like qualities. I have a deep voice for a female and have broad man like shoulders and on top of that i'm 6'1.

This pretending went on all through out high school. We were in love. She loved me and I loved her. We talked on the phone everyday and every night and every night I would promise that I would come visit her soon. She lived in the state right next to mine.

Time past and we continued to talk however i kept making up lies of why I wouldn't come and visit her. I was scared. I thought if she knew the truth she would no longer love me. No longer want me. she would just delete me out of her life.

Time pressed on and I graduated High School and made my way into where I am now. I am now a freshman in college and she finally knows the truth. I came out and told her I was a female. She was shocked, but said she still loved me. I love her so much, but I know she is a bit uncomfortable with the fact that I am a female. However i am also uncomfortable with that fact. I truly do wish I was a man and I honestly have thought about the transitioning. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I have a basketball scholarship at my school and my family and friends that I would disappoint. I honestly wish I could just run away from my life and transition and be with this girl until the end of time.

At the end of this year I am finally going to visit her. I am staying with her for a week and a half and am beyond excited. I just fear what happens next. I feel stuck in two separate worlds. In one I am the daughter that my parents love and women's basketball player. In the other Im a comfortable relaxed male who is madly in love. What should I do? I am lost and also confused.
Warren51 Warren51
18-21
2 Responses Mar 17, 2012

I'm so excited for ya mate, that's awesome

soli~ was right slow down is the better way me too i have basket ball scholarship and my plan is to finish my studies first before doing the transition..