If I Come Out I Will Lose My Family. What Should I Do???

Hi guys, I'm 23 and I'm transgender ftm. I hvnt start my transition yet but I'm thinking of it and I want to start my transition this year but the biggest problem is my family. my family is very religious and they don't know anything about transgender guys, they don't even know what trans means. Damn, how can i explain them who i am, what i'm feeling they not gonna understand me and i'm damn sure they wont support me. I guess they will think I'm mad and if i'll tell them that i gonna start my transition my dad will kick me out of the house and will not talk to me again. I love my dad i don't wanna lose him. but i can't live as girl anymore. I can't. its killing me. what should i do?? please give me some suggetions.
sidd73 sidd73
22-25, M
5 Responses Jan 10, 2013

I feel your pain. My family is an old family from jolly ol' Europe and they don't understand much outside their norm which isn't much actually. If I came out to them my last name will most likely be ******** from me. If it helps I would start by bring up the topic like you read it in the news, and if they ever become comfortable with that than maybe continue on with a line as in "my friend is trans, or gay" just to continue the ease in, and than telling them. Its worth a shot. You can talk to me if you'd like. I have an ear and a shoulder.

Thanks for concern ya :-)

Wel...i also think my family will accept me. But i'm not sure about it coz for my dad his reputation is more important than anything alse even more than my life. Lets see... I mean there is 99% possibility that My dad will throw me out of his life like i never exists. Only 1% is in my faver...lol

Dude, stop guessing. Even if father throws you out, that'd be on his conscience. The only action you should take to avoid it - finding a place to stay. Don't break your heart at what doesn't happen yet! Parents ramp about cutting of with a shilling or forgetting you name, but that's ridiculous. You are their child. Remember this - maybe it would give you some forces.

Thanks for support man. I really need it. Now i'm searching job for me then i'll find my accomodation. I don't want to depend on my parents anymore i'll be independant soon and then i'll tell them a truth about me being trans. Then its totaly on them. If they reject me i have to accept that. I love my parents and i will alway love them even they gonna hate me. But i can't hide anymore its my life and i gonna live it as i want it.

Well said! :)

they will kick you out regardless hahaha all they do is raise you to be what you want to be then when everything is said and done your are outta there () live you hahahaa

They can't live your life for you, anyhow - even if they've got their vision of "how it should be", "what does it mean to be a good girl", etc. Maybe they're full of best wishes. Maybe they think they will stay with you forever. But it's impossible to create a happy person from outside. You have to decide and act yourself. You have to live on your own. <br />
You may find out if the ignorance of your family is true - in advance. For example, chat about transgender themes without personal moments. Preparing for serious talk, you'd better collect few medical publications or nice journal article about TS topic. Some people don't believe their ears, but believe in science (i.e. what they read). You should stay calm and hold your ground in dispute. Okay, you're a man. It's not a disease or curse, there's nothing good, but you shall be fine. And yes, you may quarrel. Yes, parents may get you wrong. Perhaps it's better to move out and provide some resources - accomplish education and get a job (if you still don't). When family members see that you're well balanced and don't fool them, they may show respect instead of dramatics. Of course, it's your decision - if you come out and tell them the whole story now, there would be certain serious talks. If you come out a little bit later, starting transition and stepping into new life, it may feel easier for you, because you'd be more sure in your forces. I know terrible things happen, and people tear connections. But if there's vivid mind and burning heart inside of them, everything may be cured.<br />
Good luck, man!

thanks a lot man. you are right i hv to settle down first and hv to start living independantly. its my life and i gonna live it as i want. one day my parents will understand me and may b they will accept me as i am, as their son. lets hope...

It may take some time for them to accept everything - or in parts. I've developed a kind of theory about parent's views/feelings in my story, you may see if you're interested in this question ;)

your 23...what is the rush....you have so much life ahead of you...why do you feel like you need to change...

i need to change coz i feel bad when people look at me as girl or treat me as girl. I'm a guy inside and i want to appear as guy. thats why i want to start my transition. if you are trans you can understand how it is.