"Comin Out"What is the term to comin out? Is it just to your parents? is it to your friends/loved ones? or is it to the world?
My term to comin out is to who I WANT TO KNOW bout me. My mother for sure cause she is my rock that never judge and was always supportive in whatever I did/do. To my first tattoo, which she actually came with to this "comin out". She had a feelin that I should of been born the way i feel on the inside. My father who in the beginin was like "You just need to be as you are, the way you were born, a gurl" but ya know....thats not who I am. Im a dude trapped in a body that wasnt suppose to be mine. My older sis, who in the beginin tried to ruin every relationship i ever had but is ok with it now....even though i know how devil she is and just waitin for a time to go back into that habit. To a couple cuz. Friends....not so much cause the good ones that i grown to love and cherish I dont want to loose them over "this secret" I kept from them. I love how they just treat me...me. Not some person that is odd cause they are transitionin. My gurl knows, who I have been with for over a yr now and has never saw me different and i can tell its not in the back of her head. Like I could tell with only other two ex's that did know bout it would "accidently" said she/her.
Its no ones business to know everythin bout you if you dont want them to know bout it. I dont wanna be judge. I just want ppl to see me, the male......i am. In my eyes, the body i suppose to have.
Yet, I started committin to it when I got out of HS, changin my name, still dressin the same cause in HS I just went with it just bein "tom-boy". The easiest way just to get through it. Even though it was hard bein talked behind my back....even ppl who I thought were friends to me talked or whatever and never stood up for me. In around 2003-04ish. I saw a therapist that specialized in transgenders to get to a doc that put me on T. Since, thats where I have been stuck 9yrs later. Still on T tryin to save up money for my top surgery. I did see the surgeon I want to go with. Dr Leis in PA. Amazin work, makes the nipples even across, not some surgeons that just toss them back on and one is up high and the other is around the area it suppose to be. Saw Dr. Leis back in Sept. So now im gettin my weight down to where he would like to see it and save up money for surgery hopefully around Sept-Oct. time if not a little sooner. All depends if I can get that large of loan. Then again if i got donations on my chipin account I wouldnt have to get such a big loan out. Which help me in the longer run.
I am glad that my car is gunna be paid off around may which after 6yrs of payin on.....Its bout damn time!