Beginning the Process

I am FTM and have recently begun my transition.  I am 27 and I have always felt male.  I noticed it when I began sitting like the boys in my 1st grade class.  I would stare at their feet and imitate the way they sat.  As the years went on I would find other guys I thought looked cool and I would find myself watching them and trying to be like them.  At night before I would fall asleep I would always go to this place, a scene.  It would be me, but I would be taller, thin, with short dark brown hair, and I would be talking to girls like the way I watched all the guys talk to girls in high school.  As cheesy as it may sound it always helped me fall asleep.  I used it as a comfort thought to help me fall asleep I guess.  I knew there was something up when i was 14 and I liked my neighbor who was a girl.  I thought I was bisexual.  I thought I was gay.  I really didn't know what I was.  I told my parents and they were okay with it.  My mom wasn't thrilled since I was her only daughter and I was telling her I was interested in women.  But, a few years ago I came out again, as what I truly feel I've always been.  It's always been in my head, and I would mention in to my friends every now and then.  But I never took it serious enough to actually make some active steps.  I saw trans guys on talk shows and got really jealous of their strength.  I wanted to be like that, but I knew it would take years.  So I kept putting it off.  Last year I decided to come clean with it and start doing something about it.  I met someone, someone I really like and she has been behind me since the beginning.  As soon as our relationship became serious I told her that I identified as male.  She looked at me and said "ok, that is fine with me".  There was no judgment, there was no questions, she was just fine.  She's encouraged me to be myself, she said she wasn't attracted to me because of my gender, but for who I was.  Of course, I was skeptical and maybe I still am. 

So now I am in the process of hormone therapy.  I have been on testosterone for a whole month.  My method of T is the cream because of its consistent change rather than taking the injection route.  It's a little expensive, about 90 dollars a month.  I apply the cream to my body twice a day.  The only changes I've noticed have been odor.  I definitely smell a bit more than I did before.  But it's not bad or anything.  I feel my voice getting a tiny bit deeper but nothing drastic right now. I have been breaking out a little more on my back and face.  I've been quite emotional these past few weeks.  Its been affecting my mood toward my relationship and my job.  I'm hoping it starts to level out because it's difficult at times.

I try to work out at least 3 times a week. I go in and out of feeling motivated though.  This week I am feeling better, so I think I'll be getting to the gym more often.

My relationship with my girlfriend is kind of on the back burner right now.  We both agreed to take some space because she's busy with college and I'm doing my best to focus on my transition and maintaining a postive attitude.

That's my story, I'm just trying to do my best one day at a time.


will823 will823
26-30, M
4 Responses Sep 8, 2009

Good luck to you and thanks for the story. I feel like I explained most of it myself. XD

Awesome man best of luck

feeling the same r u from india

What an inspiring story!<br />